I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering

[ClingingToHope]

OK. So the second time isn't as hard. Logged on to gmail.com and see Chemistry.com has matched me with a lady with the same name as the X. I click on the email. Right age but wrong city. So I log in and there she is. She just picked the city to the north as her city. I know she's looking at houses up there.

So Chemistry.com thinks we'd make a good match.

I put her in my "decide later" folder.

Funny, I noticed my heart started racing when I called up the match. It's the same feeling I get whenever I learn something or try to learn something new about XW's divorced life.

I think the key -- and Drew would agree -- is to stop checking.

Unfortunately, XW is in my thoughts a lot lately. All of the interaction the past few weeks has my brain churning. That's the downside of interacting with her more often.

I have a paper posted on my refrigerator with debts and my assets, to keep me focused on my financial goals. I also have three countdowns.

* One is the countdown to have enough to buy my own house (28). I just set a goal to be able to buy a house in three years. At this rate, I'm not sure.

* Three is the countdown of how many more months I have to pay child support (108).

* Two is the number of months until I hit 5 years of divorce (58). I picked that from the "I Do Again" book where the couple writing it got divorced and then remarried five years after the divorce. I'll take some heat for posting that number, but it gives me piece. When I'm struggling mentally I think the divorce is just two months old. It will take time. By the time that countdown has hit zero I expect to be 99.9 percent over this.

I hope once I get back to work tomorrow I'll be so occupied that XW fades a bit from my thoughts. The downside of all these weeks off with the girls is that being together brings back so many memories.

Last day of summer and we are doing ... nothing. D12 is playing on her computer. D9 is playing on the Wii. Beginning tomorrow it's back to a school schedule and it'll be better this year. I won't have to leave as early from work. I'll likely have to see XW more often though.