Standing for my live-in MLC'er/WAS

[25yearsmlc]

Wow Angel

that's a tough question. I recognize the situation. As you may recall, I DBd even when I didn't want to, b/c we had two d's at home still

I wanted stability for them. I frequently asked them their biggest fears in the event that a divorce took place ( I never brought that word up, but they did).

Their biggest fears, for both of them, was moving again. So, staying here was paramount.

If that had been different, then that would be different...AND if I believed that somehow my d's would be better off without h around,

that would have been different.

Though things are good here, and I'm glad we reconciled... I still wonder at times if I made the right decision. How can I wonder?

Well, when we do fight in front of the girls today, I see my oldest d and her anger at h flaring up again. And I wonder...."what if I had left h, and met some new guy who treated me really well, started fresh, etc, so that d22 had no bad memories resurfacing and haunting her?" Do you get that?

Anyhow, I also wonder about this for your situation....
Your d doesn't seem to be saying SHE would be happier without h around so much as that she hopes it wakes him up.

Sounds more like a tactic to get him back doesn't it? WHat if it backfires?

How would SHE be then? And you?
You might be alright b/c you would have clarity and eventually you'd move on (correct me if I'm wrong on those assumptions....)

but would your d be alright if she ends up losing a lot of time with her dad and it does NOT lead him home

but leads him to the arms of OW? Will she feel responsible?

My guess is that his behavior right now is 1) CONFLICTED, (duh) and

2) maybe he wants you to make the decision to leave, so he's pushing you away?? The resentment may be due to his feelings of being trapped by duty, which he blames on you. By freeing him to leave, I wonder if the resentment would lessen as you hold HIM responsible for HIS choices...

meaning, you tell him, either leave or stay, BUT if you stay, you have to TRY. Otherwise, he's making all of you miserable. Only say this, if you believe it Angel.

Do you? Would you be happier without his rejection in your face, assuming the only thing he is capable of giving you is what he's giving you now? AND what about your d? Is she simply seeing you in so much pain that she's willing to do anything to fix You? Is that fair to her?

When you h mistreats you, I think Then he feels bad about setting such a poor example in front of your d, so he slinks back and tries to get close again. But it's not a real effort.

I'm sorry you are in this situation. It's such a tough spot!!


Make sure you know your d's wishes thoroughly and regardless of what your h does in response....

After all, she'd have to start over with friends. IT gets harder in middle school (Unless she's starting new as a first year student at the new place? That's a tad easier). Moving during high school seemed Impossible for us, unless the child is miserable where they were, and somehow IDK if that improves with a move...


Check that all out with her.

And btw, what would happen if you accidentally let your h know that you are serious about moving and taking her with you? Could THAT lead to change?

What about going to Retrovaille or MC?

I also worry that your d is trying to fix you guys and how this is affecting her feelings of responsibility for your m.

Finally, How are you taking care of yourself Angel?

Remember, to save the m, (if its' possible), we have to attract.

Anger, Sadness, grief, pain written all over our faces, (however justified,)

is not attracting...

and that's so hard to deal with, I know...

Sorry you're in this situation.