Do what I can but still have questions 3

[aeolianchaos]

Soccer,

You are capable of all of this and much much more.

I know how difficult right now must feel for you, and I know how much you want the situation to change.

It will change - you need to see that for yourself. Change is inevitable. Its up to you what direction it takes.

Try to Forget about your H for now. He is clearly not contributing to your happiness - it seems like when you focus on him is when you get the worst sadness.

Try not to forecast the future. You don't know exactly what it will look like and as long as you are looking there, you won't be able to keep your attention on the things that are happening right now.

Not only do I believe that you can handle this, I think you are already doing so much of the work so well. Keep in mind all the enormous personal victories you have made, and the strength that you have gained from doing so.