I have been keeping up with the posts but haven't written for awhile because I felt inadequate for you. Well, I need to vent and I hope you hear me.
Those of you who are familiar with my posts know my husband has an OW out of state who is also married. He also has internet bimbos. He is a great liar. Well, about 2 weeks ago, I coerced him into talking to me. When he wouldn't give me honest answers I told him it wasn't good enough. He was drinking (as always), started throwing things (to include furniture), went for a drive but did come home. The next day he apologized, he said he was sorry, ashamed and embarrassed by his behaviour and regretted all he had done. I still got very little by way of confession. He said he would e-mail all his bimbos and let them know it was over.
Well, a few days later I found mail from a couple bimbos and confronted him. He then (nicely) and closed this account, for "us". Of course, he another account with his real name, for business.
Well, he is now gone (to his mother's) and I managed to open his online account with another server and I found a mother load. I found that he is still in daily contact with the OW and he told her that we would divorce after I finish my classes in february. He tells her that they are a forever thing. She doesn't know if her marriage will make it, she wants to leave but doesn't want to screw up her kids.
I found his ads (yes more than one) for men in search of women. He is looking for sex and apparently finding it through online services. He is making dates and screwing around, alot. He just finished reading a manual on PostTraumaticStressDisorder and intends to seek help, good idea. (Yes, I keep hard copies of everything I find.)
I am so angry, hurt and confused. He is obviously a sick person. After 20 years of marriage, I just can't stop the positive emotions I have for him, BUT, I believe that he is so unhealthy, sick. I came to Michele's board because I believe in marriage but I am thinking he is way too sick. I don't understand any of this. He says to me he loves me and doesn't want divorce. Why can't he tell the truth????? I can deal with the truth!!! Why is he living this double/triple life?? Why is he so evil? Has he always been this sick man with a "private life?" I want to understand, but maybe I never will, and that's hard.
Anyway, I have found, to get him to respond to me, that the most effective approach is to be direct and not give him time to prepare a defense or clean up his act. I have to pick him up at the airport on sunday. At this point, I think I will (unless you advise differently) make copies of certain items and give them to my H on the way home. I will calmly tell him to pack his stuff and move out. I do believe he will object. I cannot predict what will happen from there. He has never struck me and I don't think he will start now. But, his weird sickness is scaring me. This whole situation and uncertain future scares me. I'm still on prozac - good for my mind, still running daily - good for the body, and I am still praying - good for the soul.
I am so overwhelmed. Thank you for hearing me. Mare
[This message has been edited by mare (edited 06-11-99).]
