I'm not sure WHO made me feel so ashamed. I guess it's always been a part of me. I have no doubt that it stems from a dysfunctional childhood (alcoholism, along with sexual behavior not being very well-kept from children's eyes/ears). The thing is, I've ALWAYS felt ashamed about myself, whether it's for one thing or another.
Right now, I'm a college graduate with a job as a bank teller who can manage living in his own apartment and pay his own bills. I do like who I am, especially now. I've grown so much from who I used to be, and I know that I'm a great person. People tell me that all the time. In fact, my W used to tell me that, too. I almost feel like she was very supportive of various issues in our M at first, but I treated my part in them with such shame and self-loathing, it's almost like she began to treat them the same way. I don't know, I can't vouch for her, but I do know that when I made mistakes in the M, I reacted with very desolate,self-hating moods rather than just telling myself, "Okay, I messed up. I'm human. Let's do something to make it right."
