You are considering confronting the OW out of your pain. You want her to feel bad. You know, rationally it won't actually make you feel any better, and it is thus a distraction.
We have all been there, wanting to bawl them out. Wholly understandable, and totally pointless. It actually gives the OW a power and importance they do not have. It is true they are the bandaid of choice for our spouses, but they are not the cause of what is going on. Just a symptom. Given that they are usually very damaged people getting angry will both cause your h to defend her, and feed any one of her number of neuroses.
Calling her out is beneath your dignity. Stay aloof. It is more interesting and appealing and keeps you on another level.
As I have posted elsewhere, the process of fully healing takes a long time and involves, sadly a lot of pain and effort. Please believe me, a happy survivor, that it really does get better, and you become eventually, a person you like and feel at ease with. This will not destroy you, it will re-make you into someone totally amazing. LBS shine like stars. The petty stuff burns away.
