I know that I posted just about a half hour ago, but I've had some time to think to myself and calm my thoughts for a little bit. Basically, I'm feel that I'm finally ready to detach from my W and really GAL. I'm tired of feeling so attached to someone who runs into A's with other men, then stands there and tells me how we BOTH don't measure up to her UNMATCHABLE standards. I'm going to be honest, I've felt like a failure our whole R. Granted, most of that is me ("Nice Guys" feel chronic "toxic shame"), but a lot of it is her, too. At various points in our R, she's made me feel ashamed for being who I fundamentally am.
I am definitely holding onto our R way too tightly. I still keep assuming that we'll get back together someday. The thing is, I'm getting to the point where I don't care whether we make it or not. Not if she's going to say terrible things like she has tonight or make me feel bad for having an A that SHE chose to have. I may have made mistakes in our R, but I've never done anything of this magnitude.
