I've got 54 days to receive a miracle.

[AJM]

Even though I miss her (or the person she was) so bad and would love for her to come back, it is not as bad as it was. I don't feel like my happiness depends on it. Make sense?

That makes perfect sense to me.

You don't think she is trying to get your attention? Really? A person who doesn't want your attention doesn't do things that would if they could do other things. Like parking in your driveway. Like talking to you or telling you it's your fault. Or... The list goes on. She may be trying to run away but she hasn't let go. That is about the most painful thing for you she could do. Half in and half out. I know. I lived that. I'm the one that has to initiate and enforce no contact. Even now. Once I realized that she needed me to help fuel her anger, that I was the fuel, I could see more clearly. I could step back even further.
Don't get me wrong Tad. I still love my wife. But I want nothing to do with her. That's wrong on so many levels for somebody who wants to be married. But it's right as well since it takes two to be married. Stepping back and detaching from the situation and from who she is, is the best thing I ever did. I am seeing so much more clearly than ever before. You will as well. It's a long journey and won't happen quickly, but it will happen. It'll be ok or even better than that. But do it sooner and you'll be that much better off. Start by realizing the things she says are designed to hurt you. She may know that, or she may not, but either way they are designed to hurt you. Take that away.

Remember the good times fondly. They were good times. But she is not that person right now. She may or may not be again, but she will remain somebody different longer if you are in the picture. Step back, enjoy the day and let her do what she does. Without hurting you. You hold that key, Tad.

Congrats on the new job. Glad you like it

AJ