I guess I just want to tell her that I can't be "friends" the way that we've been. I will clarify that this doesn't mean that I won't be here if she absolutely needs me
West be assured she will call you if she needs you. She will keep you right where you are if left to her own devices. I wouldn't be that concerned about communicating that you will be there IF X, Y or Z.
Also saying you "can't" be friends comes across as a little weak or vindictive. You CAN you just WON'T because you respect yourself and your M enough not to continue this way.
It is important that she knows you will not accept the current status quo. You accept that she has a right to make choices but not the choices themsleves as they relate to your values and integrity.
I saved this and I think it is a great way to communicate this:
W, I've told you before that I still love you and still think that we can have a great life together as both a couple and a family. I've not changed my mind on that. But I understand you are not happy, that you do not feel happy or complete inside.
You need to do what will make you happy. By my side, we live as partners, we share everything and we would do anything to help one another. But that's only if we continue as a team.
I won't stand in your way. But I also will not help you leave this marriage or this family. And I will never accept another person being a part of our life together.
I hope you find the happiness you are looking for. Go do what you need to do. You know where I will be.
You can find your own voice to say this but it is what needs to be said and committed to by you if you are going to move forward West.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
