I'll be brief, as I think your sitaution is pretty clear. My advice to you would be:
1. Assume he had a physical affair.
Yes, I think you're right on this. When I think like this though I just feel sick to the stomach and not want to continue being with him - this is my big stumbling block.
2. Assume he's remorseful now, and wants to make it right and work on the marriage.
Yes, I agree, and do think he is genuine when he says this.
3. Tell him what you would need, in terms of no-contact, transparency, marriage counseling, etc., to go forward and try.
If you can't forgive the adultery, you certainly have every right to end the marriage, but I don't sense that that's what you want to do and he doesn't seem to want that either.
No, deep down I don't want the M to end, that's true - I just can't see the way forward - despite everything I am reading and all the great advice on here I just can't get it all out of my head - I could scream!
You're both going to have to sacrifice something here -- you're going to have to try to forgive his infidelity, and be OPEN with him if he chooses to tell you about it, and he's going to have to agree to your list of terms (including MCing).
He at least is starting to realise this I think. He has said tonight that he will change his phone number tomorrow and also book a MC Starsky
