I still think you could benefit from focus wheels - or at least writing down those fears - especially around value - worth - being seen and heard, understood, relationship - b/c they you become more consciously aware of them and can work toward shifting them to something more positive and - as a-h says - carrying around a different vibration.
Good movement on the job front - having a meeting w/ someone @ a company I'm extremely interested in working for. Just an informational interview, but I'm happy to be taking steps in the right direction.
W texted me tonight about an electric bill, wanted to know if I wanted her to bring it over. I just pay them online. Might just say its not necessary - on the other hand, its her 'reason' to have contact with me.
Got a haircut this afternoon - between that and being down to 203lbs (remember, my goal is 200 by sept 30) I'm looking good.
Most of my immediate family is coming up this weekend to hang out and do a little celebrating for my birthday. We'll see where my emotions are at Sunday evening - they will probably have to take off in the afternoon, so I'll most likely be alone that night. Maybe I'll celebrate it on here. I'm curious to see what WAW does, if anything.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
Congrats on the job front. What field are you working in BTW?
Congrats on the weight loss!
Have fun with your family.
A word of warning. The time with your family might actually end up being tougher than after they leave. I know I had some of my hardest moments when family was around. I guess it was a trigger of former memories.
So just realize it.
Feel what you feel. No regrets.
Actions are important though. That's what you will ultimately regret or feel proud of.
Quote:
Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
^^^^ fixed
Not sure I'll be on this weekend to say it soooo....
Happy Birthday!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Congrats on the job front. What field are you working in BTW?
Lets call it Technology/Entertainment. Hopefully this will bring me one step closer to that.
Quote:
A word of warning. The time with your family might actually end up being tougher than after they leave. I know I had some of my hardest moments when family was around. I guess it was a trigger of former memories.
Yeah - for me I think its when they (esp. my mom) project their anger towards WAW onto me. They assume that I must feel so devastated, etc. And they use that as a vehicle to express their hurt, which seems funny because I don't feel that way about it. It is interesting how family triggers things, that is for sure!
I read this quote from Ram Dass somewhere "If you think you are so enlightened, try spending a week with your parents"
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
Well following up on my quick question from earlier:
Got online to check my e-mail and WAW hits me up on chat. This is after basically no communication for a week.
Her tone, the things she was saying seemed kind of overtly positive. Things like "Thats a great place" "I hope you have a great birthday tomorrow" "Lots of great stuff to do in Town" "I hope you have a great time with your parents" etc.. She used my first name in an online chat. She never does that. I was pleasant but not exactly chatty. Short answers, positive but not really gushing with desire to chat it up with her. Then she ends it by saying 'nite nite' - something she used to say back when we were 'good' and if one of us was traveling.
As Denver's thread is titled: WTF?
I don't even want to read into it. But I'm confused by it and want to categorize it. Maybe it's my oncoming food coma, but that was an odd experience. Did I just get DB'd??
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
I read this quote from Ram Dass somewhere "If you think you are so enlightened, try spending a week with your parents"
HAPPY BIRTHDAYY!!!!!
Is it today?
Today is my daughter's birthday party! Elmo cake!
She turned 2 on Wednesday...
I've seen a lot of quotes like the above. Love it. The people around you don't prevent your spiritual practice, they ARE your spiritual practice (I think that's one).
I'm working so much right now with codependency and my own family and BF - that's where the real work is for me!
Well following up on my quick question from earlier:
Got online to check my e-mail and WAW hits me up on chat. This is after basically no communication for a week.
Her tone, the things she was saying seemed kind of overtly positive. Things like "Thats a great place" "I hope you have a great birthday tomorrow" "Lots of great stuff to do in Town" "I hope you have a great time with your parents" etc.. She used my first name in an online chat. She never does that. I was pleasant but not exactly chatty. Short answers, positive but not really gushing with desire to chat it up with her. Then she ends it by saying 'nite nite' - something she used to say back when we were 'good' and if one of us was traveling.
As Denver's thread is titled: WTF?
I don't even want to read into it. But I'm confused by it and want to categorize it. Maybe it's my oncoming food coma, but that was an odd experience. Did I just get DB'd??
I'll let others comment b/c they probably have some more experience, but BF does this to me. He did it to me for months until I told him to move out b/c it got so confusing to me.
He ended up telling our MC that he knew he was confusing me and that he knew it must have bee hard on me.
Still don't know what that means, but sometimes with BF I think it's a boundary issue - a growing up issue - knowing how to behave around someone you hurt who is hurting. (And he's not always appropriate) and also the desire to have you see them in a good light. To kind of move things into a "we're good" place even before you're ready to go there.
It sounds like she's trying to establish a "new normal" for you guys - one of detached pleasantness - nothing wrong with that, just maybe not what you want.
And I don't think there's a lot to read into in terms of what she's saying. She's happily off to Europe and she's trying to leave things a little good between the two of you.
Maybe she's missing the times when (okay now I'm reading into it) you used to bid her farewell and she's reaching for that.
Again, you might want to look at what R you plan to have with her now - are you still going to be someone she can talk to? A friend?
