I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling:

Woke up in middle of night and can't get back to sleep.

Last week of summer break almost up -- the girls go back to school Tuesday and I'm taking Monday off as well.

No big trips this week. Just hanging out at home and it's gone well except for two incidents.

I overreacted when being challenged by D12 on fitness. Not sure why on that one. I worry about D12 and she's getting it. Maybe I was just tired. But I got so agitated it took me several hours to get over it mentally. When I lose my patience with the girls I think "boy XW was right to divorce me."

D9 today wasn't feeling well so we were just laying around. She wanted to keep playing the Wii but I wanted to go to church. Because of work, kid things, I haven't been in three weeks and I really wanted to go.

She threw a major fit when I said we were going. I could have done a better job heading it off, but once it got going I did OK. No arguing on my part. No threatening. I just said we were going and waited the storm out.

When we went, as always, she had a good time. But she had to go to XW's first to complain and XW got her ready to go.

XW. I have not been avoiding her. I have been taking her calls. I have been making eye contact and I have been saying hi and goodbye.

Sometimes though I feel like I'm swinging the pendulum too far back towards when I would step in and rescue her. Then I think that perhaps I'm just better utilizing a resource.

I didn't want to go through the hassle of taking D12 to theater auditions and keeping D12 occupied because she wasn't trying out.

So I asked XW to take D12. That saved me time and a headache.

Tonight, after church I had a gift certificate to a nice restaurant and wanted to take the girls to celebrate the end of summer. I asked XW if she'd like to meet us there. She did and she paid for the difference between the bill and the gift certificate.

After, I thanked her for coming and she thanked me for inviting her.

Today, my old weekend softball team needs a player for the state tournament. I really, really, really don't want to go, but I hate letting people down. I was going to take the girls and then go to a resort nearby. It's a 90 minute drive to tourney, another hour to the resort.

But now neither girl is feeling well and it would be a tough day to be dragged to a tournament especially if you don't feel like swimming after anyway.

So I asked XW if she'd take them for the day. She said yes.

All this interaction/cooperation feels good/weird/bad at the same time. It's tough to keep an even keel. Church message centered around a theme "The Illusionist." Quit trying to live a lie. For me, I think it means focus each day on living better and the rest will fall into place.