I don't know. I do like the idea of being there for her and being friends with her, but she's engaging in something that's emotionally damaging for me to be around. I'm really starting to get why it's not healthy for me to think in a mentality like, "I have to do everything right in order to ensure that she stays with me!" I've been re-reading a lot of stuff about codependency and it fits me to a T. I feel like my whole life for the past two months has been mostly structured around getting my W back or changing for her, and it really doesn't feel like much of a life at all.
Given that I feel that she's not thinking straight, I've decided that I want to avoid any kind of conflict, blaming, or nasty showdowns, as she's in no place to understand any of that (believe me, I've known my W long enough to know that she's gone a little crazy). But I think that the next time I talk to her, I want to make it clear that I can't handle being around this anymore. I feel that the friendship that we had when we were together should be enough to make her remember what that was like if I'm really not around. I will make it evident that I'm going to give her lots of space and time to get this figured out but that I need some space to focus on me, too. I really don't know who I am anymore, and I want to spend some serious time working that out. I don't want this one relationship to define me. I want to be many things.
