Words get in the way

[angel61]

H has been away for a business trip to OW's home country (although OW is not there, she is here in the US)since last Thursday PM. He emailed and texted a few times, and we only spoke 2x so far.

I did my 180's - I normally don't cook and decided that this week I will do so, and provide D12 with fresh hot meals! I made sure H knows I did so when we spoke.

I also did not call, or initiate texts except when needed logistically. No How are u doing kind of thing.

But when he did text, I replied very cordially and kindly.

Surprise for me: He texted me this AM asking my sweater size. Apparently he is buying me something! Thats new as he is not a gift giver!

That made my day......

[Cyrena]

Good work on the cooking, Angel! And also on the not initiating contact. I think 180s are wonderful for making the WAS begin to question whether they really know you as well as they thought, and whether it's safe to keep on cake-eating indefinitely, in the face of such "surprises."

I'm glad you're generally happy and productive--keep it up!!

[angel61]

So H is back. As usual, he seems out of sorts after a trip-distant and uncommunicative. I can't help but speculate why, but push those thoughts out of my mind. Good thing I had to stay at work til midnight and when I got home, he was sleeping.

He did buy me and D nice sweaters! really beautiful! and expensive! I don't know what to make f that, as he is not really a gift giver.....but I take it as a positive.

I feel more and more detached as time goes by. I sometimes feel like maybe we are doomed to a platonic relationship for life.

[angel61]

Even posting nowadays seems to be so tiring. I now know why H was so sad after his trip to OW's home country. I broke my promise to myself, snooped, and saw that he had sent a few emails to OW, showing pictures of places they had gone to in the past and saying that he was remembering those memories and that he was feeling sad and emotional. OW replied by saying "yes, they were good memories".

I read somewhere in this forum about someone not letting go of the pain because it was all that was left behind of the M. My sense is that my H is holding on to his EA even if all that is left is painful memories, and of course it makes him depressed.

The funny things is during all that time he was actually shopping for me and D12.

We actually went on vacay last week, out of the country. While on vacay, we met up with an old friend of ours, who was actually originally my friend and who knew all about how we started. She knows our sitch, and had an opportunity to quickly talk to my H.

She told me that H did not answer her questions about how he felt about OW, but that he did imply that our foundation was not good, to which she rebutted that how could friendhip not be a good start? and also H apparently told her that he is a good man and would not really leave his family, especially D12.

Otherwise, our vacay was unremarkable, we enjoyed to the extent that we could. I could not help but think that if this were during the times that we were not having any trouble it would have been so much happier. One thing I noticed was that H was so dependent on me the whole time, from planning what to do for the day, what to eat, even to what to wear and where his underwear was! But aside from that, he never walked beside me, was always walking beside D12, even when we were with his friend, so I ended up being the one to talk to his friend.

Now we are home again, and it feels even more like I am floatng, unmotivated, numb, and uncaring.

I am at a point that I don't know what I want, and nothing seems to be happening anyway.

Is this how standing is?