I know I posted about an hour ago already, but I've been thinking about that conversation I had with her again. You guys are right, I'm not objective at all. I want so badly to have her back that it's almost clouding my vision. See, on the surface of my conversation with W, it seemed truly friendly. She laughed, joked around, and wanted to know what was going on in my life. But now that I think about it, there honestly seemed like there was something far more disrespectful and cruel in her tone. It almost seemed to say to me, "I have all the power over you that I want. I can feel free to have OM as a lover and you as a friend all I want. And I know that you'll be okay with this as long as I want because you never say no. You 'love' me and would do anything for me. Because of that, I don't have to give you anything in return. That's the way this relationship works now!"
Sure, I understand that she's high on the brain chemicals of love right now. And I do understand that she probably does feel guilt on SOME level. But to be honest, my last conversation with her made me feel really uneasy. The way that she acted like what she was doing with OM was no big deal and that she could wave his good qualities in my face all she wanted really makes me angry. I've always been a push-over with her, and whether she's doing this on purpose or not, she's revelling in it now. [edited by dbmod: reference not recommended nor allowed] says that a lot of women cross boundaries with their husbands because they know that they're able to, and with each crossed boundary, they lose respect for H.
As much as I love my W, this truly is unacceptable to me. I'm really starting to feel like the next time I talk to her, I'm going to draw a line and say that we both need some space during this time. Otherwise, my brain is going to blow up trying to figure out every possible way to keep my relationship intact. If she wants to be with me, she can figure that out on her own. If not, then I don't want to be with someone who never really loved me that much at all.
