Two months later and still no paperwork filed. I've gone through a multitude of emotions and have resigned myself to the fact that I both love him and hate him. I can't quite figure out how to forgive him yet. I'm going to just be nice and act like I would to any other person and continue to seriously pursue my own future independently. I'm stilling living in our house but as soon as the paperwork is filed, I will pack up my things and go ... somewhere. I've been searching hard for a job with no leads as of yet, unfortunately.
Why isn't the paperwork filed yet? I don't know. I could say there have been legitimate delays but to be honest, it could have been filed by now. We have had agreement for some time and could possibly have had it faster. Every time I seem to have cause for delay, he rails at me as if I'm dragging my feet - yet once I resolve whatever it is that is delaying and put the ball back in his court, he doesn't seem to be in a rush anymore. However, I think this is just temporary and we will soon be filing in a week or two.
As for DB'ing... I guess I'm doing it in the sense of getting my own life and reflecting that person he fell in love with back. But I'm doing it because this is the person I want to be and with the air of moving on and not because this is how I get him back. I think there's a huge emotional difference in the two and it takes some time to get here.
I won't say that the sitch doesn't still upset me or drive me to tears but there is nothing I can directly do to change his mind at this point so I must accept that he has made his decision and muster up the respect for that somehow or at least honor myself in moving on.
Hope everyone here is making their way through it all too.
