Wife no longer in love with me

[cam]

[quote=
That guy is here and that is tremendous start Cam. Do you have the courage it takes to grow and move on from this?

How to start?

First forgive yourself.

Then ask yourself why?

Why did you let yourself make chooices or things happen that you did not want?

You failed yourself first. The consequence of which was your M faltered.

Your W failed too.

Tell me the good things about Cam. What you like and then what you aspire to be? [/quote]

I don't know why I made those choices, I don't know why I treated her that way. I can only think that it was because I was so unhappy with everything going on in my life that I took it all out on her as she was an easy target and she was always around. I look back and I was a prick at times, I took it all for granted. I wrecked everything that was good in my life........why didn't I tell her she was beautiful, why didn't I treat her with more respect??? I don't know.....I was at times cocky and arrogant and thought I was better than some people....i was rude, and I look back and I hate that person now, I hate who I was and what I did to both of us.

I aspire to be a better person and husband, but I will never get that chance with the one i truly love, my best friend and the girl of my dreams. I wanted to be a father to our future children, again I will never get that chance. She can't even contemplate coming back to me. She has said that we both need to move on and she would never bring children into this M now when so much bad stuff has happened over the last 4mths.
Yeah I can work on myself and this whole experience has made me look at myself and realize my faults and everything I did wrong, and I know I would never be like that again. However the most saddening part is she will never see that or give me a chance to be all she wanted me to be. In 4mths she will leave the country for good and we will never see or speak again. And I know I will always regret this and know I lost the best thing to ever happen to me.