Youngster's WAW Chooses OM, Now She's in Love!

[aeolianchaos]

West,

Which path do I want to take? I finally decided that, based on what I've read and seen, I want to keep going down the road that I'm going. Yes, what she's doing is immensely disrespectful, and I shouldn't have to take it. I shouldn't have to be her friend during this time, and I shouldn't have to listen to her crap about OM. But the thing is, I firmly believe that this side of her is not the "real" her and unable to be reasoned with

What paths do you feel are there for you, as options? Can you describe them?

What she is doing is BS. I understand your feelings - and I think I even follow your logic. It's good reason not to close the door and get divorced ASAP. It's good reason not to abandon all hope. But what she did was blatantly disrespectful AT BEST.

Her being 'under the influence' doesn't make it any less disrespectful, and you tolerating it doesn't make you any more strong or respectable in her eyes.

I think at the least, you set a boundary for yourself - don't bother telling her, because she won't get it, but you can decide that 'I'm not going to talk w/ her about this subject, and I'm not going to be around her while she's doing this.'

As TG suggested - none of this has to be done in a hostile way. It can be as loving and as understanding as you can muster. But you need to respect yourself enough to establish some kind of boundaries for your own well being.

None of this contradicts DBing or BSFT - you can still be focused on the first signs of positive change, and you can continue to refine your strategies and techniques to figure out what really works for your situation.

It began to compound WAS' guilt: "I'm treating this person like crap and yet they're still being kind to me!" However, if I DO get to the point where I just can't take it anymore, with nothing changing, I will employ the "ultimatum.

Guilt sometimes takes a while to manifest overtly for the WAS. For my WAW she thought she was 'over' feeling guilty by the time she walked out. Now she seems to be coming face to face with feelings she wasn't really 'getting' at the time.

What, in your mind, is the ultimatum?