WTF?!?!

[Harrier]

I'm not missing the point Harrier. But I'm also not trying to be coy with myself or any of you.

There are two parts to where I am at now.

1) It's been 9 months and I'm tired. I need to stop enabling my W to continue to sit on the fence. So yes, there is intended implied pressure. Yes, I hope that the fear that I really am trying to move on with my life and am opening myself up to the possibility of dating causes a reaction in her ... which in turn triggers a positive move by her.

BUT,

2) I really am at the point that I want to begin moving on. I am here still standing for my M and yes, I would still like to reconcile with my W... but I won't be here for her 12 months from now. And the process of getting used to life without my W needs to start for me now. It will be a process. I don't know how long it will take... but I am beginning that process.

So, that email is my truth... but I guess that it has two different meanings. Not sure if that makes sense.

Denver

I guess I'm missing the point then. I get that it has been 9 months for you. I empathize in ways you can't imagine. But honestly, if you compare that to the years you might not have been so great to your W, it isn't one. (I'm not saying you were a bad guy 100% of the time or even 30%, but remember you are fighting your W's perception of you in the M, not actual truth)

I agree everyone has a breaking point. Everyone's point is different.

I guess I just kinda see it as the old line about the best revenge is a life well spent. You have a history - at least of what you told us of doing things to get a reaction from W.
1. The flirting at the coffee house.
2. The PF Changes hanging by the bar
3. The OW

I see this as one more thing. I think the actual reason you do this has nothing to do with W and everything to do with you. I mean did the letter need to be sent?

I would have just said something like "We talked about his before."

The best way of detaching is living a life well spent. I'm not saying it's going to be grins 100% of the time. But a lot of it is for you.

That's why I dislike the term detaching. It's like trying to "detach" two pieced of chewed gum from each other.

I'd rather see a focus off your W, off your M, but on yourself. That's how I look at it.

Because I think the only reason you are tired is because you haven't taken the focus off your W or M..even when you were "detaching."

Like I said this can have 2 possible outcomes, but I'd like you to look at what you wrote...

"I do not want my W to return to me because of pressure, manipulation, or any other reason other than she CHOOSES to return because she wants to be with me..."

I hope the letter enables that to happen. Good luck.