Do what I can but still have questions 3

[soccerwife]

I do have to accept the pain in order to forgive. Once I forgive, then I am able to be the rock H needs me to be. If I am the better person I will be rewarded for it eventually, whether it is through I's love or not. I do deserve love.

Getting a hug from him would not make the situation better, and that is why I can not ask for it. However, his love and affection would make me feel better, and that is literally the only thing missing from my life right now... love. I have everything else I need, no money concerns, two great kids, an awesome job, great friends, tons of fulfilling hobbies. But none of those things complete me as a person. H is my compliment and I am in great pain without his love.