Yes, I do think it's reasonable to not want to be in a M with the threat of D always looming.
But I have to take responsibility for my choices and for my mistakes, or perhaps for what turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I fully own that I have contributed to this sitch due to my fears.
As for his family pattern, I'm not sure I can be the one to break it. I think that might be his decision. Very much like I choose not to hit my children even though that is what I grew up with but I do know what you mean.
Endeavor, you hit a few things close to home with me.-constant looming divorce, choices, mistakes, self-fulfilling prophecies and contributions to the sitch. Also family patterns on both side which I've brought out and hoped she would recognize the need to break thos patterns for our kids. In her mind right now though, those situations were okay and done to make one person happy. I don't think anyone in any of those circumstances became happy by getting a divorce.
