Wife no longer in love with me

[cam]

But you are nowhere close to dating right now cam. It would be a disaster.

Actually gave me a laugh imagining how much of a 'disaster' it would be! I agree, I'm in no place to date, not sure what she wants. She knows my position, maybe it is just a friend. Who knows, I will ignore it anyway for now.

[cam]

I just feel like calling my wife and telling her to F off and get all her stuff out of the house and never see or speak to me again. I'm so angry and sad that she has done to my life. I hate Friday nights and the weekends so much, it's so lonely when all my friends are with their wives and kids.
Took so much restraint last night to not rip up her wedding dress - I figured it means nothing to her anyway.

[Julz]

Cam join the club. I miss him most at nights - esp Friday nights where things weren't as structured due to work/school the next day etc.

[cam]

I feel like I know I will never get back with my W now. I need to accept reality...if she cared about me she wouldn't be doing this, she would have called me on my bday, she would still want to talk to me, or see me. She doesn't want any of this, she wants me out of her life for good.
I often wonder if she is hurting at all, if this is making her sad or if she reflects on what her life has become. I feel like a failure, I will carry this stigma that I failed at marriage......I have always succeeded at everything ive done, but the most important thing in my life I failed miserably at.

I am coming to accept that this is my life now....a life that doesn't include her, a life that sees me going to the movies tonight by myself WTF!!!, sleeping in our bed alone and spending a lot of time on my own. I sense my friends think i should have moved on by now, I dont see them much anymore....it's too hard to see them happily married and having kids.....I would rather be on my own.

If only I had listened to her, then I wouldn't be in this situation. Life would be good again......as it is now, I feel I deserve everything I get. I actually dont want to contact her, I wonder where she is, what she's doing, but I don't want to speak to her, it hurts too much. Some part of me actually wants her to move back to the States and then I will never see or have to speak to her again.

[Rick1963]

Stop beating yourselve up. It doesn't help you. You have accepted your mistakes now it is time to move forward. You are no longer the old Cam you are a new Cam. Use the skills you have learned here as painful as it is. You are not a failure and I bet you have no proof that you are. Keep working on yourself. I'm new here but reading other peoples' post really helps and is very educating.

[Truegritter]

I feel like a failure, I will carry this stigma that I failed at marriage......I have always succeeded at everything ive done, but the most important thing in my life I failed miserably at.

Cam I will tell you everyone, EVERYONE here felt this way when they got here.

If you read the threads of the people who have been here for a while and have moved past the phase you are in now I think you will see what I am trying to tell you.

Are you gonna die on this hill son?

This hill is the one YOU are creating not your W and what she thinks, feels, says or does.

Why would you put your own self worth and happiness in the hands of someone who clearly does not place value on their own.

Not knocking your W she is making choices she thinks will make her happy instead of looking in the mirror she is choosing to blame you.

Don't buy what she is selling.

Do buy your own. You are accountable to the person in the mirror. Right now that guy doesn't like what he sees.

BUT

That guy is here and that is tremendous start Cam. Do you have the courage it takes to grow and move on from this?

How to start?

First forgive yourself.

Then ask yourself why?

Why did you let yourself make chooices or things happen that you did not want?

You failed yourself first. The consequence of which was your M faltered.

Your W failed too.

Tell me the good things about Cam. What you like and then what you aspire to be?

[aeolianchaos]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Listen to this.

Think about it. A lot.

[cam]

[quote=
That guy is here and that is tremendous start Cam. Do you have the courage it takes to grow and move on from this?

How to start?

First forgive yourself.

Then ask yourself why?

Why did you let yourself make chooices or things happen that you did not want?

You failed yourself first. The consequence of which was your M faltered.

Your W failed too.

Tell me the good things about Cam. What you like and then what you aspire to be? [/quote]

I don't know why I made those choices, I don't know why I treated her that way. I can only think that it was because I was so unhappy with everything going on in my life that I took it all out on her as she was an easy target and she was always around. I look back and I was a prick at times, I took it all for granted. I wrecked everything that was good in my life........why didn't I tell her she was beautiful, why didn't I treat her with more respect??? I don't know.....I was at times cocky and arrogant and thought I was better than some people....i was rude, and I look back and I hate that person now, I hate who I was and what I did to both of us.

I aspire to be a better person and husband, but I will never get that chance with the one i truly love, my best friend and the girl of my dreams. I wanted to be a father to our future children, again I will never get that chance. She can't even contemplate coming back to me. She has said that we both need to move on and she would never bring children into this M now when so much bad stuff has happened over the last 4mths.
Yeah I can work on myself and this whole experience has made me look at myself and realize my faults and everything I did wrong, and I know I would never be like that again. However the most saddening part is she will never see that or give me a chance to be all she wanted me to be. In 4mths she will leave the country for good and we will never see or speak again. And I know I will always regret this and know I lost the best thing to ever happen to me.

[cam]

At times I knocked my W back when she wanted sex. At times I spoke to her in a condesending manner. At times I disrespected her in front of my friends, or I tried to show off and act 'cool'. I was a sh$t husband, and a sh$t person. I don't know how to forgive myself for being like that. That's not me, I used to be so much fun to be around and so nice......I will never get a chance to be that fun person with her again and her best friend and lover. I have wrecked everything in my life and things just keep getting worse and worse and I get lower and lower in self esteem and happiness.

[NYCPeter]

Cam - I've been reading your posts but never posted to you before. Please stop beating yourself up, I'm seriously worried about you.

I felt the same way about my W - but SHE decided the path she wants to take, we can't make someone else follow our path, we can show them the path we are on and hope they want to join us.

You sound like a great guy, if you are genuine about your changes then you will be fine, it will hurt for a while but you will be a better person and you will find what you want with someone who appreciates you for what you are today.