Can a marriage survive two affairs?

[MrBond]

I would never say never, but the odds are stacked against you.

Let me put it to you this way. He had an A before. He never got to the root of why he did it. So you ignore the problem. He has an A again. He still doesn't "know" why he did it. It will happen again unless he figures this out.

"unless he goes to C he is not commited at all"

What does commitment mean in terms of M? It means that you do whatever it takes to heal and grow with your partner. If you want to go to C together, he needs to respect it and go because it's not about him anymore. It's about you two. Once he starts putting your needs ahead of his, like when you were first dating, then he will be committed.

"but I thought with DBing that I would be able to turn him around and we could finally work on our issues and he would work on his once he is at the place to commit"

DBing does turn around the spouse. But it doesn't get to the root of the problem of what caused the problems in the first place. You've learned how you could make the M better, but what about him? From what I've read in your sitch, his ignoring the issue is him trying. That's not trying.

"Mine is not."
He still sees her, correct? If you were to read the situations that survived when there is an A, you will see that they cut off ALL contact with the OP. Some people switched jobs and some even moved away. They put the needs of the LBS first. Those are the ones that survive.