Even though talking as if I weren't in the room! LOL!
Unfortunately for me, you are all correct. I'm really to the point where i don't know that there is one 'right' answer to how I should proceed.
I'm still contemplating going to zero contact with W... in which case I would tell her what MHL has suggested that I tell her.
However, I also very much agree with what 25 said... that the chances of reconciliation are pretty slim if there is no contact between us. Can I handle casual contact with W as you asked 25? Starsky, MHL and Mach are all correct that I have demonstrated time and again that it does draw me back in pretty easily. I do think that my mental attitude is quite a bit different now than it has been in the past several months. Mostly, that I feel that I am DONE letting my W use my past behaviors in our M to continue to justify her choices now. I feel that I am DONE trying to convince her to forgive me. And finally, I am DONE trying to convince her that I have changed and that we can have a great M. I feel that I have suffered enough for my sins in our M. I feel that my W has had plenty of opportunity to see that I do understand what I didn't understand during our M and that I have changed. It is up to her to forgive me and see that she and I can have a bright future together.
HOWEVER, the question remains as to whether or not I can maintain that attitude with casual contact with W.
Regardless of whether or not I talk to her on the phone or text with her now and then... I am dead set on not spending time with her until she commits to working on the M. I will not waver on this.
25 - I agree that W made a mistake by moving SS away from his friends. I also expect that there is going to be a blow up soon.
I will tell you what I am going to do over the next several days... I'm going to go back an reread relevant portions of DR.
MHL - Thanks for pointing out the difference bw committing to the M and committing to WORKING on the M. Seeing that difference, which I do now, may be useful to me in the future.
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Brief UPDATE...
W texted me again last night at around 11 p.m. Seemed to be a continuation of the text messages that she sent me earlier in the day.
W: "And the house smells on J's side of the house and kitchen. We are worried there's a dead animal under that side of the house. Don't see anything inside."
Me: "I hope that your landlord is taking care of this stuff for you guys. That is ridiculous."
W: "I know. So frustrating!"
I did not respond to her last text.
Sounds like W moved into a great place (sarcasm)!
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
