The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

[jbnati]

Finally got a call back from guitar instructor yesterday, I'm starting lessons tonight. Just another thing to add to my GAL repertoire! Along with 4 mile run after work, and maybe looking at apartments. Plus humane society with the kids tomorrow. That's why I come to work, to relax

4 mile run? Slacker! That's paltry in comparison to your 10 mile race (good job BTW on that) Seriously you are doing a wonderful job in the GAL area! I assume your middle finger has healed from your misadventure in Toronto since you're taking guitar lessons?

[LearningPatience]

Four miles is my non-long day runs (i.e. M/W/F/Sun), so yes, I am slacking today. I can see myself overdoing it if I didn't have a schedule, so if it says 4, ok, 4 1/2 it is

Guitar instructor just called and had to postpone due to sickness. Rescheduled for Mondays, which works better, except for a couple of previous one-off events on my calendar. Maybe I'll play along to some practice tracks I have tonight.

My minor injuries (finger, toenail, right thigh) are generally ok. I deal with minor pain pretty well, so I took the finger cast off after two weeks. My middle fingernail, though, is still a messed up reminder of how stupid I can be. It'll grow out, just need to make sure I remember not to be so stupid after that!

Thanks for the encouragement! I need to make sure to find a balance between GAL and overdoing it. It'll even out I'm sure.

[LearningPatience]

There are a few things to add to my journaling since yesterday afternoon.

Got an IM from W after I got home from work saying that she's not going out of town this weekend, so she'd be able to go to MC with me. Great, there goes my plan for b1tch1ng about her for an hour to a new C Responded a few minutes later saying I'd forward along the address. I'll send it via email sometime today.

I actually did get p1ss3d off at someone on the phone yesterday. She called about an apartment I asked about. Seemed alright, said I should talk to her manager (she owns the building). She asked later if I had any kids. I said I have my boys that live with their mom. She then told me they don't rent to people with kids, which got me a bit defensive, to say the least. Told her again they live with their mom, are 12 and 14, I have them two nights a week til 9, etc. She said they couldn't stay as it's a one bedroom. I wanted to slap her through the phone! Told her again that they *visit* me, not stay over and she says well, maybe the manager could show me the bottom floor apartment, they don't want kids running around. I'm shaking my head thinking 'lady, this is a college town, EVERYONE makes noise!' If I can't have my kids 'running around', does that mean I won't hear anyone trying to 'make kids' either?

I still think I'll call the manager for grins. I'm feeling ornery and mischievous

Had a good night out with friends. Woke up early this morning (bleh), but... I reconnected with an old friend I haven't seen in 20+ years on FB. He sent me a link to a site he put together when he and his W traveled the world for 18 months. Sooooo jealous! FB was used as a tool for good this morning and it started my day off quite well.

[LearningPatience]

I know better than to read too much and analyze individual words and messages, but I'm going to do it anyhow. Email back from W:

I wanted to see how you would feel about closing our jt credit card and transferring the balance into 2 ind accts? I keep getting 0 percent interest rate offers and it seems pointless to be spending 7 or 8 percent when we could be spending 0. Also I am thinking of refinancing the house and the less credit card debt I have the better.

Two things I've noticed. One, W still mixes 'I' and 'we' a fair amount. That's a minor thing. The bigger thing I get is that W is thinking of refinancing rather than running away like she has mentioned many, many times in the past. Even when I saw her two weeks ago, she thought about taking a job in WI.

Like I said, way too early to really read anything into this (one data point does not make a trend). But it's my straw and I'll grasp it if I want

My response was that it sounded like a good idea and that now was a good time to refinance.

As far as the apartment I mentioned earlier, I called the manager and someone was already touring it. I also looked up online that it is illegal to discriminate based on children. Eh, their loss.

[jbnati]

Wow! It sounds like she's all over the board. I think that's in the WAW manual somewhere, too. Desparately try things, anything.

The apartment was probably bad news anyway. Anytime your kids were there it would've been a problem. You don't need that hassle.

[LearningPatience]

Yeah, I think she really is all over and confused. I wish I could help her; if there's *anything* I've learned through this whole ordeal is that I can't 'fix' anyone else, just be supportive.

I go back and forth on moving apartments anyhow. The place I have isn't *too* bad, could be much worse. And again, it's cheap. Gotta car to pay off now

[LearningPatience]

Oh, one other example of whip-saw thinking from our convo two weeks ago... so while she's still leaning towards D, she told me that she has tons of money left in her medical flex spending account, so if I need to I can submit some of the claims for the boys and I against it (I used up my own account by June). It was a very nice offer for someone who wants to leave me, eh?

[Telemark]

Be careful, LP...it's easy to interpret politeness and even caring concern as something more than they are. I've read too many posts just in the last few months about WAS's or STB-WAS's who smile at their spouses while they gut them from one end to the other.

My W continues to try to be "nice" as she also continues to stab me in the heart. I'm learning to write it off as guilt, not caring.

[LearningPatience]

Yeah, I'm trying to tread carefully here. I'm looking forward to MC this Sunday (therapist has really convenient hours) and maybe, just maybe there will be forward movement, wherever that movement should take me (and/or us).

I think it's guilt AND caring in my case.

Anyhow, my weekend started 20 minutes ago! Dentist appointments for the boys in half hour and then some playtime, I mean volunteering, at the Humane Society. Dinner, couple more episodes of Lost and I think we have the makings of a great evening. Check back later!

[LearningPatience]

Nothing too important to add since yesterday, except for a small exchange I found amusing.

I decided spur of the moment that I was going to rent a movie or two tonight. Went to a local video store (yes, they still have them) and picked out two movies. For one of the movies, the clerk looked at me and said 'looks like you already have this movie out.' I thought about it for a second, realized what had happened, and said 'oh, my wife must have rented it.' He asked if I still wanted it and I told him 'oh yeah, we're separated, I never see her.' I'll have to ask her at MC tomorrow if she liked the movie

My boys and I had an enjoyable evening yesterday. Found some kittens I'd love to adopt, but I can't have pets in this apartment. As I was driving them home, I realized W's car had passed me and I mentioned it to the boys. From where I turned and they (two people in her car) went straight, I can guess which nice restaurant they went to. Slightly sad for a little bit, but got over it quickly. I think they call that detachment, I'm not sure.

I was *so* unmotivated to do my training run this morning. However, it went well and one of my running partners and I had good times. I'll admit I'm a bit attracted to her, she's in her mid 30s I'd guess and it came out in conversations at a rest station that she'd been M once before. A little bit of male bashing from the women, so I stayed pretty quiet Still, I look forward to running with her each Saturday morning.

Getting a little nervous about MC tomorrow. No idea what to expect. Then again, what's the worst that could happen?