Further update. Well I have been getting nice emails from xh for a few days [not holding my breath on its continuing!]and my adult children nasty ones. Telling them how hurtful he finds it that they don't send him birthday and Christmas greetings. I am staying out of this, except my middle son [almost 30] said it made him weep, as he has tried so hard to have a r with his father.
My take on it, fwiw, is that he is starting to realise what he has lost. Like so many here, for the first few years he was gone, acted as if he didn't know or care if we lived or died. But he can't yet admit that the poor relationship is in any way his responsibility.
I emailed my middle son and said that I thought his father was not in a good place, that loving people when they weren't very loveable was hard, and that he [my son'] was the adult right now, and left it up to him. I think it is evidence of a broken and hurting man, too proud to say sorry, I screwed up, and wanting love and affirmation, to be told it is OK really.
Reconnection isn't a picnic for the MLCer as they have to confront the reality of what they have done.
