First, I'll give you my very biased opinion. I'd go. It's not about you, or your W, it's about your D8. No matter what you do, she will have hopes of you and your W getting back together. *If* both of you can handle this (relatively) maturely, your D8 will appreciate it, and if there are other kids there, she'll be wrapped up in them anyhow.
I was the WAS in my 1st M, and even though my ILs were pretty cold to me for a while (understandably), we always had single parties for my kids. No drama, it wasn't about us, it was about them.
I understand your back and forth thoughts about this. It's called analysis paralysis, where you keep spinning around between these thoughts. Really, the only way out of it is to just do something. Then, like CS said, no regrets.
My second thought, though I know some (maybe most) disagree to its relevance, is that it *may* matter what your W's family thinks of the sitch. You are tied to these people due to your kids. You will run into them from time to time. Can you do anything about what they think? I don't know. But I do believe that forewarned is forearmed. If they think you are the 'bad guy', your interactions with them will be different than if they think it's just a breakdown between you and W.
Take from this what you will. My not always humble opinion
Whatever you decide to do, if you feel it is right and can hold your head high while doing it, will work out fine!
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
