To answer your question, 25: I was trying to be compromising with the situation, which however brings me to the latest in the unfolding drama of the week. My wife sent me this email only a few minutes ago (in response to my monthly bill, but not regarding the request for an extra night with our son, or the SC trip...yet):
"Alamo, In response to your e mail I would like for you to consider a few issues. I am and have been a medical student. I worked two jobs when we were in Abilene, TX. to support us but my medical studies have prevented me from working and producing income. One of the issues during our marriage has been your lack of interest in working and producing income to support us. You even told me that we have to keep E in a daycare so he would not hinder you perusing a job while you were unemployed. Part of the large debt that I personally incurred during our marriage have been to support us and keeping E in a day care. You even went as far as using my government loans to support your parents in Malaysia and make payments on the house you bought back there. That amount is about $4205.00.Although I paid E’s daycare up until separation and paid half up till now I would ask you to pay for the entire amount you have requested. You claim having a job and income which I will not have either until next year sometime. Even if I could pay for entire amounts you requesting the phone termination is your responsibility since you where a rider on my cell phone plan. Toll road fees are simply off set by one of the times you did not work nor received unemployment and I again had to use my school loans to provide you with toll fees. By taking care of this bill you will demonstrate some responsibility offsetting fraction of my college loans that took care of you and your family.
Please reply to me about this and any other issues I have wrote to you in writing.
Wife"
First off, and I say it again (and again), I did not put a gun to her head to get her to use school loans to help my family (who were having financial issues); she was as much in the decision to use the money for those stated reasons as much as I was.
I agree she has a significant amount of debt, but it's interesting she doesn't calculate the part that her peers/classmates, even the married ones whose spouses bring in more income than we ever did, have the same, if not MORE debt than she has. She doesn't see or appreciate the fact that we did pretty good considering that I had no work numerous times, and even when I did, my income was entry-level. We survived by being frugal and careful, mostly thanks to her amazing bookkeeping skills and my stinginess.
I also think that this email from her is perhaps part of the fireworks everyone has been talking about. I mean, it's odd that up to last month, she didn't mind paying for our son's daycare, or toll charges. And the cell phone cancelling fee is for HER phone. She changed over to her parent's family plan after getting a new phone 5 or 6 months ago (and essentially renewing her contract).
All that said, is she giving me an opening here? "Demonstrate some responsibility", she said. Or is she deflecting her own financial responsibility?
