I tap out...

[thatgirl007]

This is a rant/vent or whatever, but I kind of need some guidance, too. If anybody reads it all, please chime in with your thoughts!

This whole co-owning a new business thing is going to be interesting. In a lot of ways, I wish I would not have anything to do with him, go completely NC and just close the door. But, I can't do that. My livelihood comes into play. I actually have a job that I really love and am being paid very well and that could be effected by the business we own.

H and I purchased a cafe where I work and all the little things that pop up from day to day end up meaning a number of interactions throughout the day. I handle them pretty well.

Today, it seemed okay for the most part. Then, H came down to my desk after he'd closed up shop and asked about a position (promotion) that he'd heard through the workplace grapevine I was encouraged to apply for. I told him about it. It would be a significant raise and a lot more responsibility. I told him that am kind of happy and excited about it, although a bit uncertain.

Then, he mentioned that today was a slow day at the cafe. The summer months here are sluggish for the cafe, historically and I've told him this repeatedly. The Fall will be an entirely different story. Plus, there's some marketing things he needs to do to make the place a success that we're working on. I asked him if he'd made his budget for the day and he said no. Then he looked at me and said, "Let me leave before I throw something again."

"Again?" I asked and he looked at me and nodded firmly, then left.

Oh, the drama! This is the kind of thing about him that annoys me and that I truly do not miss. He has a huge presence and he can be very, very negative...like negative to the nth degree...almost fatalistic. He has a seriously fatalistic view of the world and when we were together, he often painted me with that brush. I felt like I was running around trying to make things perfect for him to change his worldview, but there's nothing that could do that.

And I know that anybody who gets into a relationship with him will never be able to put up with the crap I did. The negativity and the super high expectations. All of his relationships prior to me lasted mere months. He's a very difficult person to be around. But when he's in a good mood, he's a lot of fun. I almost think he might be bipolar or suffer from depression, but he puts on such a good face whenever he's in C or in front of others.

I guess I'm just frustrated and tired and a bit worn out. Just over dealing with him, I guess. I can't get rid of him, either Even with all the infidelity and drama, I really would wish the very best for him and want him to be happy...I guess I'm just not sure if that's even possible. At least, it doesn't seem to be possible with me.