Two of you hit on something that is irrelevant, yet compelling. Two different perspectives.
Does my W's family REALLY think I'm trying to scr3w her...?
I'm guessing the odds are split on this one.
On one hand, I'm guessing they may not be completely aware of the sitch. Of course, why would they be? Any info they have is certainly one sided.
So either they DO or they DO NOT think that.
And... maybe they DO or DO NOT know how "bad" the sitch really is... ie. "We've decided to D amicably."
Either way, I think that they have NO idea what's really going on here and whatever conclusions they draw through this, will be their own, tainted by whatever information comes their way.
But it's interesting...
So what do I do?
Well, I think I play back to the conversation that D8 and I have had, a couple times over the last few months.
I will call D8 up tonight and remind her that we had a conversation that I would not be at her b-day on Sunday, but that I HAD promised to call her that day, and I will.
AFAIK, D8 still wants my W and I to get back together again. She apparently tells me one thing and my W another, on "other" things such as visits. Like any child, she does not want to hurt my feelings nor my W's. She does not want to "pick sides" and SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO.
I have told D8 that I would be having a separate party for her. She was "OK" with that, at the time.
Either my W is "feeding" D8 thoughts, or she's not being honest with D8, or... IDK...
But this HAS TO END...
To that, my W (who would not have "the talk" with the kids when we initially agreed that we were splitting) needs to be a little more open and forthcoming with the kids. And if not, she will lie to the kids... to D8... and project some crap idea about me because I will not go to the party... and there's nothing I can do about that...
Will it help or will it hurt if I do not go?
Will it help or will it hurt if I DO go?
If I go, D8 will come to any number of conclusions. The WORST conclusion will be the continued hope that my W and I will work things out. She will likely always have this hope. I would rather not walk down a path that actions might raise that hope.
It could also hurt because D8 will feel any uncomfortable elephants in the room.
If I DO NOT go, D8 could be hurt because her hopes may be dashed. As sad as that is, it is a reality that I cannot shelter her from.
Any other opinions in the room if I go or do not go, are none of my concern.
My W is doing this for HER OWN SELFISH REASONS. And USING D8 as the tool to get her way.
She could easily tell D8 that I will not be there. I've told D8 and I've told my W and I've told my family and my W knows this.
Rather, she chooses to continue to play some charade that families can simply come apart and everything else remains the same. A fantasy that she's trying to create.
She wants to blame me? I don't care. She can have yet another thing to blame me about.
So that's the card I will most likely be playing in another hour and a half, in case someone else wants to weigh in, yet...
