Ugh! It's those things you read in the letter that make the skin crawl. As for the gifties, if he wasn't doing those so much before as his LL's, then it probably is his way of trying to make it all go away. The big red stop sign does help when those things creep into your mind and won't let go. I must say, I was quite surprised to see you say the word [censored] (sukks) haha, I thought I would try it to see if it would be censored!! All I had to do was register the account number and phone numbers online, and each phone has its list of calls, and I have programmed all the ones I know with the names, so if ow name ever pops up, I will see it, unless it is a different one. It doesn't say ow, it says ho.
[quote=Starsky309 I think it all depends on whether they're being HONEST with you, and there really is no contact, but they're just struggling with withdrawal from OP; or,
They're LYING to you, and still in contact.
The types of things I would advise someone to do is DRAMATICALLY DIFFERENT in each case, which is why I'm such a strong proponent of "trust, but verify." Once you know for sure, you don't have to keep verifying, but at this stage, how can you even decide how to proceed without knowing if he's just b.s.'ing you with flowers and jewelry, or if these are sincere attempts to speak your LL and help you heal from his infidelity?
Starsky [/quote]
Hmm, I pretty much believe him that he is no longer in contact with her but I think he is lying about the extent of the R with her in the first place! This is my big stumbling block and it is making me want to run for the hills
Phew!! Thank you for such a detailed post plsfindmylove!! I am astounded at the lengths you and others go to for an A!! I hadn't thought of half of these things that you mention - not sure if that's good or bad - maybe I have more to worry about than I thought!!
I think your information will be very helpful, thank you.
Ugh! It's those things you read in the letter that make the skin crawl. As for the gifties, if he wasn't doing those so much before as his LL's, then it probably is his way of trying to make it all go away.
Yes I definitely think so VC, it is making me so cross! I mean, really, why would I want a bead for my bracelet so that I can be reminded every time I look at it of this awful time and why he bought it!?!?!
The big red stop sign does help when those things creep into your mind and won't let go.
I think at the moment I am not wanting to put up the stop sign - almost as if that would be letting him off the hook too soon - I know that probably sounds crazy and yes it is hurting me more than him
All I had to do was register the account number and phone numbers online, and each phone has its list of calls, and I have programmed all the ones I know with the names, so if ow name ever pops up, I will see it, unless it is a different one. It doesn't say ow, it says ho.
This seems like a good idea, I'll have to look into that, thanks VC!!
Ugh, so now I have started to have nightmares where I am faced with OW and H and I'm asking her why she had to hunt my H down after 2 years and she grins an evil grin and says because I can I really need to find out the truth before this drives me insane!! I am so tempted to contacct her but I know deep down this is a bad idea - but how else can I know for sure???
Do you REALLY think this woman would even tell you the truth??? She's a PREDATOR.
ALL CHEATERS LIE -- PERIOD.
Starsky [/quote]
You're right, I know, why would she tell the truth!? I am just so desparate to know if he is telling the truth or if he's had an A - I guess I'm just hoping to find a way to make this whole thing easier to deal with when I suppose there isn't one.
is your plan going to be different if you know of an affair? granted i think he will have to tell you if he did have one if he is really trying to move forward with you, but knowing right now, is that going to make what your doing any different?
I think it would help me decide how I truly feel and what I truly want to happen yes. All I am doing right now is going around in a circle wanting to know the truth and it's tearing me apart - I feel like I don't know exactly what it is I have to face and deal with if I don't know for sure.
Hey, ip, I only meant to use the stop sign to keep the pictures from going around in your mind of possible scenarios between your H and ow. That's what drove me nuts, and wouldn't let me think straight. I don't at all mean for you to put it out of your mind, just that seeing it in your head make it so hard to focus on what you need to do. Maybe a bit of detective work is what you need to do since he isn't being very forthcoming. Especially if you feel he is only telling you what he thinks will get you off the track. vc
I know just what you mean VC, that is what is exactly what is happening - it is all going around my head over and over like a film - I do feel as though I need to feel the feelings it causes though - I don't know if that makes sense - but it's as though if I'm not feeling the pain then I'm just numb and empty and then I think I will just let him off too easilly - I can't explain it - it sounds crazy!
I hear you on the detective work but I just can't think of any way of finding out the truth - I only have OW's email address and I really don't think he is having an A right now - I do think he is telling the truth about that - just the last 2 years I don't know about! ugh, 2 years, that makes me feel sick.
