"My W has stated last Sunday that her family and "friends" all think I'm trying to scr3w her in the D"
if you havent done anything to give them this impression, then its either their mistaken opinion, or she has given them this impression.
so on the one hand she benefits from them thinking this way, by garnering sympathy and support and using it control your emotions. then when it works against her, she blames you for it.
here is what happened to me, use this as a warning or a lesson. my d's 3rd bday was 2 months after x moved out, as with all pryer years all friends and family were invited. what i didn't know, but expected, was that she had invited OM. everyone was uncomfortable, many were outright angry. tension was everywhere. everyone put on their best face but i'd guess no one really had a good time. and i had a terrible time. my d didn't notice being only 3. the next year x asked again and without hesitation i said i was having my own party, and it was much easier, less stressful, and everyone had a good time.
and on her actual bday, the 2 of us always take out d to dinner at her favorite restaurant.
so as everyone else has said, it all comes down to whether it hurts or helps your d8s bday. you'll need to limit your decision to her, and let the adults deal with their own issues.
if your d8 is ok with having separate parties, then in my opinion, theres your answer.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
