My feelings are changing...sitch isn't

[Mach1]

Afterwards, on the way home she started sending me texts reminding me again how "done" she is and accussing me of all kinds of lying and withholding information. She also accused me of being "fake."

Sounds like projection to me....

She is projecting HER feelings to you Tad....

That's the best part of being detatched...is that you can remove yourself from these conversations and really LISTEN to what she is saying.

You can really hear what their feelings are, by what they accuse you of....

So she had a great talk and needed to push away with the "done" speach.....

Was she telling you?

Or reminding herself ?

She has already told you that once....

Sounds to me that she is reminding herself of that....

Step away from the MLCer Tad....(insert Twilight Zone music here)



So enough about her.....How's the new job going ?

[MHL]

Tad,

You actually sound like you are starting to get a "hold" on this thing......great!!!

Keep the focus on you.........you need to come here to vent but only allow yourself a limited amount of time each day to think about her crazy sh!t.

Cheers

[AntoniaB]

Wow, she's a piece of work. My XH never spewed this amount of venom once I started to walk away. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

But you acted beautifully in saying no to lunch and then later in turning your phone off.

My 2 cents? These people have such low self-esteem and feel so badly about themselves that they deliberately do the push and pull because they want you to pursue. You pursue, you engage in her conversation, then she can turn around and destroy you again because that makes her feel she has power and control when in her own mind she's losing it and has been for some time. It's classic narcissistic behavior.

Sure she doesn't act like she has low self-esteem, but my entire life, those people who came off to me as the most pushy and confident and high self-esteem were actually suffering inside from severe inferiority complexes. Superiority masking inferiority as over-compensation. MLC people always exhibit this trait.

I think what you're seeing is how much more PEACEFUL you are day to day if she is NOT involved in your life right now, and the more you see that peace, the more you will find it easier to disengage from her and create boundaries.

You're making progress :-)

[Drew]

I like this:

"There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I do too.
Yours or someone elses?

[Drew]

Someone else's, not sure who. I think I saw it on FB.

[Drew]

I don't know peeps. I just don't know if I can do this anymore.

Tad

Yes, you can. This is where my friend J3B will chime in that (parashrasing badly) you might quit tomorrow, you might quit next week, you're just not going to quit today.

And then tomorrow, rinse and repeat ....

[tadpole1025]

Thanks everyone.

Mach to answer your question, my new job hasn't started yet. It'll be soon though. I go to orientation on Friday.

I'm having a crummy day today. Maybe it was because of all the crap from yesterday. I've been married for over 9400 days and in about 58 days, she wants to end it all.

W went to Sedona with her sister today. Her sister lives about 4 houses down from me. This morning I get this text from W:

W: "I hope you don't mind, but I parked the car in front of the house because there was no room in front of my sister's."

M: "That's fine."

Actually, there was room in front of her sister's house. Also, she visited her sister this past weekend and parked in front of her house. I just don't understand her. Like others on this board have said, she is all over the place.

I also found out during our conversation yesterday that she has been talking to my sister-in-law (my brother's wife) a lot. She's the kind of person that likes to stir the pot and keep things going. I'm sure everyone knows at least one person like this. Apparently, she has been telling all kinds of lies about me and my mom. She's been telling W that my mom has always hated her blah blah blah. I know for a fact that my mom loved my W like her own daughter. I don't know what to do about this. It obviously is not helping my situation at all.

It hurts too when W tells me that I am fake.

She also told me yesterday that she is the only one "trying". Trying what?

"Once again, I'm the only one trying. Just like it has always been."

You know what? She tells me all the time that she is "done", but I get the feeling that she isn't. Hopefully, it isn't wishful thinking on my part.

I just wish she would delay this.

I'm down today.

Sorry.

Tad

[Drew]

Tad,

Down is normal. Hang in there.

Thanks everyone.

Be more than thankful.

Do what people are advising you to do.

Step away from the madness.

[dl443322]

Round and round you go until you decide to jump off, Tad.

You are trying to figure out someone who is a mess. Aint gonna happen. It makes no sense because it makes no sense.

Remove yourself from the madness.

Let her walk this journey, Tad. She needs to. You need to let her.

As long as you are still up in her head, as long as you are counting how many days you are married and worrying about who said what to who, you are going to continue to feel down.

Now I am not saying that you cant get down. All part of the process. It's how long you stay there and how much you are helping to put yourself there that matters.

Maybe she is saying you're fake because your changes arent real. They know if they are, you know.

And if you are making them to try to spin this a different way, instead of for yourself, she will know.

So, your choice, sweetie.

Only you have control over how you feel. No one can make you feel anything.

Your choice.

The only way to do it, is through it.

Your choice.