really? no... reaaalllyy...?

[OnMyWay]

Well, KD, I like where your head is at. If you've come to your decision, then good for you. At least you are nearing the end of your limbo.

A couple of things:

First, the flip-side to the b-day debate. In MHO, I'd consider "attempting" to be a bigger man and make an appearance at my D8's b-day party. I'd do it for her. I'd keep it brief. I'd stand tall and proud against any perceived scrutiny of W's family. If they think you are scr3wing ur W, that's their opinion and they are entitled to it - not ur problem and no explanation is necessary, as it's a matter between u & ur W. After you leave, they can all discuss it ad nauseum behind ur back, like a bunch old hens. However, if D8 wants you there, then making an appearance would simply be for her benefit only - naysayers be damned. Plus, you get to have the party again on your own terms without ur W next week - double bonus.

Second, I just had a big D conversation with my W last night, I laid out for her what my D plan would be, should we go ahead and dissolve our M. Not sure it will apply to ur sitch, but will throw it out there for consideration. My plan would be to do whatever was the quickest, cheapest, easiest solution to get it over with. When I step back and look at the big picture, I realize what my W wants is to live life on her own - Independence. What I want is to not be burdened by the court system and be pigeon-holed into some obligatory judicial ruling - Freedom. In reality, independence and freedom go together: in other words, we both want the same thing. As Nevada is a 50/50 state, letting the court figure it out would not meet either of our criteria or give us what we both want. A friend of mine told me just to give one of us custody and get it over with as clean as possible, then we can do what we want after without obligations to the court. Turns out, my W realized a D is a double-edged sword and is actually worried if she takes child support from me, then gets a good job after graduation, I could take a lesser job and turn it around to where she has to pay me, which is true enough. In our switch, the D process doesn't work for either of us. Also turns out, she's kind of sort of wanting to come back, so it looks like my limbo will continue on, while yours looks to be ending sooner, rather than later.

Anyway, I just wanted to show my support. Doing what's best for your family shall always trump everything else. I'm not sure, though, that not showing up will be best, as it will just give W another reason to chastise you in front of everyone else and add fuel to the flames. If she's asked you to be there, then I'd consider going for the simple reason of showing that I am a man who can truly put aside anything for the benefit of my children. All you have to do is show up. You don't have to stay. Ur D8 will know how important she is that you made the effort for her, in spite of all that's going on in ur M.

My best to you,

OMW