First things first. I am sorry for the lack of reaching out to you and the other one (LOL). Really and truly. It is and never was, for lack of thinking of or wanting to connect. Please know that.
I pray you are right about my son. I want so much for him. Mostly though, I just want him to be ok. To have a rich life filled with love and experiences and happiness.
As for me, I am not afraid of this friendship, this connection because it is based on truth and honesty and acceptance. I do not know where this will lead. It really doesnt matter.
What matters is that I am true to myself. I am open and honest and me. There is no work to this. I do not fear the future of it. I am enjoying it for today, and every day. And no matter what happens, I have been blessed with a friend and I have found out that I am worthy.
I truly believe that everyone enters your life for a reason. Some are meant to stay in it, some not. But if we listen closely, and open our hearts, we are forever changed.
We do need to make plans. And have some big, fat, loud bellylaughs.
Now for your viewing pleasure, a word from my xh. True, I kid you not.
So, my son is recuperating from an operation. On top of that he has mono and strep. He is very sick. Anyway, I have been dealing with all of it as xh is living his life 5 hours away.
Here goes:
He: How's son doing?
Me: Tough going, but, he is hanging in. I've been staying close by him.
He: Ok, good. Is he eating?
Me: I've been making healthy shakes and trying to get him to eat little stuff often.
He: Good job, B!
Me: Huh?
he: What? You're doing a good job.
Me: Ok, I gotta go.
He: Would you prefer me to say you are doing a rotten job?
me: No, really I gotta go.
He: B, what's the problem?
Me: Um, you're crazy?
He; Ok, I guess that sounded a little condescending. I'm sorry.
Me: Thanks for apologizing. It really is fine, I just really gotta go.
He: Well, keep doing what you're doing with son, ok? Because that's what he needs.
Me: You know what I need? You to stop talking.LOL!
He: yeah, I do need to get myself a filter.
Me: Ya think? Listen, it's fine, really. I am here, I know what to do, It's all good. Take care.
He: B?
Me: Damn, I almost got away. LOL!
He: I was an ass to you all those years.
Me: Maybe you arent crazy after all.
And then the ritual banging my head against the wall commenced. LOL!
I think he is afraid to initiate anything because then he will have to deal with his affair and what it did to my sister. . . . . . .
He said, B, I will never forgive myself for that. Never.
A, I said, that is where you start.
Brooklyn I think you are on the money. So many of them cannot face what they have done. They come quite a long way out, and can 'live' again but it is a half life as they haven't dealt with their real issues.
My friend and I continue to see each other. He is a good friend in all the most important ways.
The most amazing thing about it is that he likes me for who I am. We went to the park the other day with my sister and her family. My sis and I are, to say the least, quirky.
We started talking to this woman. She was so funny. Just our kind of person. Anyway. one thing led to another and we find out that her h has an MLC. I kid you not. (Love Brooklyn - people are so friendly).
She db'd without knowing it. She lived her life, went back to school, the whole nine yards. They divorced. After about 3 years, he realized what he lost, he wanted her back.
She told him in no uncertain terms she like who she was now. She had no intention of changing. If he came back, it would be a different marriage. They pieced for a long time. They are ok.
She told me that she was so thankful that she went through this. And that whether she reconnected or not, she knew she would be ok. She said she was never going to be who she used to be again and that if he didnt like it, he was free to keep on going. And she meant it.
As she was talking, my friend was watching me closely. Afterwards, he looked at me and said, now I understand what you mean when you say that you will never be that person again. Now I understand when you put your hand up and tell me to stop talking. I understand, he said, that you want to be loved for who you are, not for who I think you should be.
He wanted me to know he heard me. He heard me. No greater gift that he could give me.
How great is it to have a friend that "gets you". I do not know what I would have done the past year without my friend T. We have our disagreements, yes, but his life is his life, and mine is mine. That, he gets perfectly, and doesn't poach.
Just wanted to say hi and update for those who might be following along. LOL!
It is strange - dating after all the time I was with one person. My xh was my first real relationship and I was just a young girl. We were together over 30 years.
As most of you know, I am four years post bomb. I was not looking to date for a lot of reasons.
This just kinda happened.
Anyway, it is still odd at times. Cant quite explain it. Sometimes for a split second, I think - where is xh? Weird.
I am not sure where this will go. I like being on my own. While it was/is lonely sometimes, it is nice to be in charge of my own life.
I only see my friend on the weekend. We enjoy each other's company. We like the same things and our personalities are similar. He likes to laugh. That is a big change from my xh, who was very serious.
I am taking it one day at a time. I am not sure this will be a big love affair. I do not feel that way about him.Not sure if I ever will. But, it sure is nice to have someone to spend time with.
I continue to learn more about me. I am growing back to the me I used to be all those years ago. As I do, people respond differently to me and it's nice.
And as I have noticed that my xh seems to be the winner on here of the most ridiculous things said, I give you our last conversation from last week.
He: Hey, just calling to see how son is.
Me: He's better, I think. I guess you should ask him though.
He: Yeah, well, he is a man of few words.
Me: Wonder where he gets that from. LOL!
He: Yeah, well. Anyway, how are you? Son tells me you're still not feeling so well.
Me: He just worries about me, I guess. I am doing fine. Thank you for asking.
He: Think we could get together and talk about a few things this wekend?
Me: Sure, what do you want to talk about?
He: Nothing in particular, just thought it would be nice to catch up.
Me: I have plans most of the weekend, but Saturday morning I'm free.
He: Ok, call you when I come up.
Now we all know he wasnt gonna call, right? Right.
Calls me yesterday.
He: Hey B. Sorry we couldnt get together this weekend.
me: Ok
he: I didnt call.
Me: OK
He; no. didnt you remember that I was supposed to? Geez, B. You are losing it.
Me: ok
He: Well, I guess it wasnt too important then.
Me: I gotta go. I am losing it.
He: I know.
And then, can we say it all together now.....the banging of the head on the wall.
I have to say, he does keep me amused. And apparently, he keeps you all amused,too.
