Thanks, jb. I'm hanging in there. So many people on here inspire me and you're definitely one of them.
Anyway, I hope my H isn't putting on a charade by reading the R books but after some of what I've read on this forum...
Originally Posted By: Telemark
Do you feel like you need to "be there" for everyone, especially your H?
What would happen if you did tell him that you've had enough of his behavior? If you set your boundary that you will not tolerate his on-again, off-again approach to your marriage?
Perhaps he does need to see you pulling away to knock some sense into his head.
Yes, to your first question. I also feel like I have to "fix" everything or our family will fall apart.
Like I've admitted though, I've made terrible mistakes as well. Once a couple years ago during a horrible fight, I told my H that I hated him for everything he had put me through.
Maybe in some way, I feel like I deserve this...
As for boundaries, I know they need to be clearer but I don't know exactly what that looks like, or what is DB'ing, or even if I should be DB'ing the M? Confusion is apparently contagious.
Does setting a boundary mean telling him that he needs to move out IF as he claims, he can't do this anymore?
Or does it mean telling him that if he truly believes that we're incompatible and that he doesn't see himself getting old with me, then I don't want to be with him?
I did say to him during our last R talk that I didn't want our old M back because it never truly made me happy. His response was to cry and say that he was truly sorry for everything he had done to hurt me.
Each time he says he can't do this anymore, he opens up and starts sharing his hurts and validating mine. Then wants to discuss the R books once again.
During our last R talk, he asked if I like sex. Then added that he could never get over me cheating on him. I'm lying there thinking, "I thought you were leaving."
Maybe this is all his way of seeking closure?
It's madness.
Which brings me back to needing a strong man. A man that can make me feel safe. That can lead me sometimes.
Anyway, thank-you for stopping by with your thoughts, Telemark. I've noticed many of your posts to other members in the past few days and I think you're very articulate. I'm going to tackle your threads next.
