Before the bomb I'd had control issues without realizing the extent of it. I'm not talking about Stalker control issues but the kind of control issues I think most people have whether they realize it or not. I tried to manage people's emotions by deciding for them what I thought they could handle or 'protecting' them from what I anticipated would be their reactions to things I was thinking of saying or doing or had done. I tried to manage the way people would perceive me by modifying what I shared with them and how to suit the circumstances.
Actually very good description of my own control issue I think.
Originally Posted By: Edmond Dantes
I've discovered I am most open to new ideas when I'm in great pain. I suspect you may be the same and that you are there right now. It's for this reason I ask you to consider taking a minute and asking yourself why you lied to OW. What were you trying to protect by not being honest? Why is it important to you to protect that? What fear is at the heart of that small deception?
Hmmm... very good question Edmond. The easy answer is that I was trying to protect her from being hurt by my answer. But why was I trying to protect her? Not because I would feel badly about her being hurt... not that I wouldn't, but that's not the reason. The reason is that I was/am afraid that if I hurt her, she will walk away from me. So why am I afraid of that? I am afraid of not having her as a crutch through this pain that I am dealing with.
Thanks Dantes
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
