Just Be 2

[Denver_2010]

The tickets were more for SS than they were for me or W. I like the band, but SS really likes them. W isn't too familiar with them.

[MHL]

Denver,
Sell them, or give them away, that way you do not look like an A$$ to SS or W in case they ask. I would not bring it up unless asked.

As for the wondering if she thinks about it like you do.....who knows........I think they do. I asked my XW something along those lines before we divorced and she said she thought about it every morning after she woke up.

It just hurt me more.

I know you are still "attached" and it is tough.....I think you are moving though..........I will tell you that when it does happen you will not realize it. It will be sometime later that you think... "Wow, I haven't thought about her all day or all week or whatever"

I think you are getting to that place where you are getting tired of feeling a certain way......the pain of staying in that place is starting to over ride the "fear" of letting go.

I remember being scared that if I truly let go that I would lose the ability to love her if she decided to come back.....it was a fear.

I think I got tired of being in the same place for so long.......Everyone is different but I will tell you that it took me over a year. My Bomb came June 30, 2009 and it was sometime in August of 2010 that I truly let go and detached.......I don't know the date because it happened without me realizing it.

It takes TIME.........fill the void of time with other things and other experiences.

Cheers

[♪CS♪]

I have really, really struggled since she and I had contact on Thursday and Friday of last week.

I think that I had gained a level of detachment up until then that is now gone.

Denver, going back to your question a bit back about "which path to take."

And looking at Starsky's last post.

This may answer your question.

[Denver_2010]

I have really, really struggled since she and I had contact on Thursday and Friday of last week.

I think that I had gained a level of detachment up until then that is now gone.

Denver, going back to your question a bit back about "which path to take."

And looking at Starsky's last post.

This may answer your question.

Yeah CS, I know that it causes me pain to have contact. On the flip side of that though, is the thought that having polite casual contact when SHE initiates is our only hope of reconciling.

I don't know.

Denver

[Denver_2010]

Denver,
Sell them, or give them away, that way you do not look like an A$$ to SS or W in case they ask. I would not bring it up unless asked.

I don't plan on bringing it up. I've thought about selling them or giving them away. I've also considered another idea that was brought up in a previous post, taking SS and one of his friends or one of my male friends.

I probably won't make a decision until this weekend.

As for the wondering if she thinks about it like you do.....who knows........I think they do. I asked my XW something along those lines before we divorced and she said she thought about it every morning after she woke up.

It just hurt me more.

I think that that would hurt me even more too if W and I do NOT end up reconciling.

W's statement that she loves me and misses me, that she still doesn't know what she wants, and that she wants to KNOW that we would be okay but doesn't KNOW... really, really bother me.

It's like she is waiting for a bolt of lightening to strike her that tells her that it is ok to take a chance.

Why doesn't she get that there are no guarantees with anything in life... any decision that she makes? (rhetorical question as I realize that there is no answer)

But this is why I am constantly tempted to reach out to her and try to make her understand. Again, I now realize that this would be futile. She has to reach this conclusion on her own.

I know you are still "attached" and it is tough.....I think you are moving though..........I will tell you that when it does happen you will not realize it. It will be sometime later that you think... "Wow, I haven't thought about her all day or all week or whatever"

I think you are getting to that place where you are getting tired of feeling a certain way......the pain of staying in that place is starting to over ride the "fear" of letting go.

[quote=MHL]I remember being scared that if I truly let go that I would lose the ability to love her if she decided to come back.....it was a fear.

YES. This is my fear as well. I don't want to let go completely because I feel that my resolve to fix this is the only thing that continues to give us any chance.

Can you tell me/us who ultimately filed for D in your sitch MHL? If it was you, how did your W react to that? Has she shown any sign of regret? And what finally caused you, or allowed you, to make that decision?

Filing for D myself has been something that i have considered in the past few weeks. Mere contemplation at this point, but it has entered my mind.

Thanks MHL.

Denver

[Denver_2010]

Brief Update...

On the advise of a bit, I called my SS this afternoon. I only spoke to him briefly. He was at my W's school while she worked. His school has not started yet. I told him that I loved him and that I missed him.

I have been avoiding contacting him I think bc it causes me almost as much pain as having contact with my W. I almost feel the need to detach from him as much as I do W.

I do know though that I can't do that. None of this is SS's fault.

I broke down and cried after I got off the phone with him. It didn't matter that I was in a public place. I just have a ton of pent up sadness in me from the past several weeks. Like I need to just bury my head in a pillow and cry for a while.

I have also noticed that I have subconsciously distanced myself from OW since having contact with W on Thursday. OW and I went out on Sunday night, but even though I was there physically, my head was not.

Last night OW texted me to ask me if I was okay bc I have been so quiet. I admit that I lied and said that I was.

BITS
Denver

[Telemark]

Your W, your SS, the OW...you're spreading yourself pretty thin, Denver. And taking care of Denver seems to be at the bottom of your "to-do" list.

Just sayin'...

[Denver_2010]

Your W, your SS, the OW...you're spreading yourself pretty thin, Denver. And taking care of Denver seems to be at the bottom of your "to-do" list.

Just sayin'...

Yup. And you don't know the half of it Telemark.

[MrBond]

D,

What you're going through is perfectly natural. Went through the whole thing myself a long time ago. Now you see why everyone was saying that the OW wasn't the answer but a temporary fix. But everyone's got to learn that on their own.

There will come a time when you'll reach a point of "balance". Where you will want to go out with someone for the sake of going out with them and you won't feel guilty or responsible for your actions. It will be like a weight has lifted off you. It's at that point that you would have honestly detached.

[Denver_2010]

D,

What you're going through is perfectly natural. Went through the whole thing myself a long time ago. Now you see why everyone was saying that the OW wasn't the answer but a temporary fix. But everyone's got to learn that on their own.

There will come a time when you'll reach a point of "balance". Where you will want to go out with someone for the sake of going out with them and you won't feel guilty or responsible for your actions. It will be like a weight has lifted off you. It's at that point that you would have honestly detached.

Thanks Bond. All of this talk of truly detaching has such a sense of finality to it. I'm not giving up on my M... but I don't know how to do that without constantly being in pain.

THAT is my problem.

Rough day. Sorry.

Denver