Discussed going darker. Figured out with help that this is a fear based response. STBX has made several moves in a positive direction and it's scaring me and making me want to pull away. Why? Because somewhere down deep I feel like it may be a setup for more emotional pain. Plus I'm starved. Starved for emotional connection, sex, affection and companionship. I am getting impatient and my gas tank contains only fumes. My anxiety is kicking in again in this regard. I want a partner and freaking now already!
At some point in the near future I may have to confront this head on and state my needs clearly, and be prepared to be the WAS.
That time is not yet. Got too many things going on with September coming and a new job. I won't overstress myself by thinking action is better than inaction on the marriage/relationship front. So...more of the same for now : watch and wait, be warmly pleasant, friendly, chirpy when contact is made. Keep GAL and be mostly unavailable. Stay the course. Stay the course. Augh!
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
