in my case, my x is only happy when she's miserable. she's in her glory when she can complain about someone, or how she's been wronged, or how someone did something stupid that really messed up her day.
of course, now i'm that someone.
but by waiting to ask to switch with only a few days left creates that same situation where x would feel self-justified to complain. "oh, KenF is so inconsiderate, i asked him a long time ago (just a little exaggeration) and he refused, see how awful he is." and she'd get the sympathy party she wanted.
there are those that thrive on chaos and turmoil, and blaming others for their own shortfalls. and they're usually the ones complaining about it the most.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Where we as husbands go awry in the marriage is our own fear......fear that we may experience some negativity from our W's when we fully take on that organizer roll........for lack of a better term........I guess what I am dancing around here is LEADING the family.
At the risk of ruffling some feathers of the wonderful women that post here I will say that women want and desire that LEADERSHIP but they do not want a DICTATORSHIP........a thin line to walk to say the least.
The problem for us is fullfilling that leadership role in a way that communicates LOVE and CARING......which are feelings we as the LBH's still experience today.
Country, your W still wants and desires that leadership from you......and you and I still have an instinctual urge to step into that role even in separation/divorce.
While on the surface it may seem crazy, your W is doing what comes naturally to her and she is still seeking that sense of security from the person that she feels is best able to provide it........YOU.
Does not mean that she wants YOU back it just means that she is wants it and you were the last person that provided it. When we draw back and go dim or dark and basically let them make their own way, they squirm because they trully "feel" our absense.
It is hard for us to withdraw that blanket of security, we actually "feel" a need to provide it, however if we do not they will never "miss" us.
^^^ Great post MHL ^^^
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Sometimes my W makes me think that I'm crazy. Who knows? I was gonna go all Dave Chappelle up on your thread, but I don't want dbmod to 86 me.
That's when we make you a moderator --
jk,
That is a roller coaster that I refuse to get on.
You have to be 10 feet tall and bullet proof. I don't meet either of those requirements.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
