I can take that punch!

[LITB]

There are plenty of positives from your interaction with your W Myk. The best one is that you are in a good place. That is the ultimate goal no matter the outcome.

I had to laugh about you having the circus and your W's family in the same paragraph. Our situations sometimes feel like being IN the circus.

[Redo]

Jbnati, LITB thanks for dropping by.

Hey the biggest circus was the one going on in my IL's house
it was "The greatest show on the earth"

[Redo]

Journaling...

Couple of days ago i was doing very good based on the interaction with wife. Well i guess what goes up...must come down.

Called up yesterday usual time to talk to daughter. I knew that wife started a new temp with some pawn shop company(yea definitely not something she wanted to work for). So i was trying to be courteous and asked her how her first day was. That was an open invitation for a long talk on how her first day went. I guess she was shocked a bit as her training involved actually visiting an actual pawn shop, even though she works in the corporate office. Then she threw this whopper...

W : "For the first time after all that, i felt like coming to you and slapping you"

M : almost falling off the seat... "Huh??? what do you mean???"

W : "Looking at my situation like this. You just could not keep yourself up and you had to go crazy emotionally those 2 years."

M : "Wife, you took the decision of moving out. Not me..."

wife cuts me off : "Just forget it. You will not understand. I don't know why i even bother..."

I felt like a fool, inviting her to tell me about her first day. Sometimes i do things because i feel that if i am nice with her then we would be able to talk pleasantly. Bad idea. I mean honestly i am not sure what i am to her after she filed for D.

Just 2 days ago she talked about how she should have understood me more blah blah...I guess she quickly forgot everything.

I never judged my wife (actually point out her issues) in all the years of our marriage. Because we were too busy pointing out mine and working on mine. So i got to a point where i felt i had no right or capacity to actually point out her issues.

But now i feel that she has many. And the biggest one is 'taking responsibility'. I don't think she will ever take responsibility for anything she does. She is always looking for scapegoats. Life, people, situations etc. She is always the victim. That's a very bad attitude.

We did continue talking after that. I had tell her the bad news that she went over our cellphone again this month. I still pay for our plan. I think i'll wait till end of september and if nothing changes then i'll get the phones separated out.

I actually thought of telling her that i was planning on buying a motorcycle. But now i feel that she does not need to know.

I should have known....rollercoaster watchout!!!

[Telemark]

Like I just said on my most recent post, it's like they are all reading from the same script.

They can make it very difficult to remain cordial and level-headed when they can be so spiteful.

Regarding the bike, here is what I did: just bought the thing and showed up on it. W didn't have much to say...

[LearningPatience]

karma,
nothing wrong asking how someone's first day of work was. Her response was completely out of order; I agree, it sounded like she was blaming your for her choices that brought her there.

Hang in there, the roller coaster has to be shut down for maintenance at some point

[LITB]

Telemark is right. They are reading from the same script. When something doesn’t go their way, it has nothing to do with their own choices or actions in their minds. Thankfully we understand that their perspectives are distorted by fogginess.

IMO, we (LBSs) are in a much better position as we have done some self reflection to understand and own our part in the demise of our R/M. We have all done some work to improve ourselves. It is better to be us, than to be them.

Ask her if they have any good deals on any bikes at one of their pond shops.

[Endeavour]

myk,

I've been following your threads for months but only recently started posting...


So many times I would read what your W said to you and I'd want to set her straight...or slap her.

I agree that she really needs to take responsibility for her part in the M (because based on what she says to you, she's no angel). The whole victim act is not going to serve her well in another R either.

However, you're doing an amazing job at keeping your cool and being a strong dependable man who has owned his own issues, and who is working on being a better person. Good for you.

I wish she'd give you more credit. Although, I think she is noticing and this may be what is causing her to give you more grief. She still wants to drag you into her drama because that's all she knows. As they say, you're being the change you want to see and eventually, she just may follow.

[Redo]

Telemark, LP, LITB: Thanks for stopping by. Yup, all drinking from the same crazy well.

Regarding the bike, here is what I did: just bought the thing and showed up on it. W didn't have much to say...

I love that!!. I did tell my daughter though. Either way, i am excited!

Endeavour: Thanks for stopping by my sitch. Thanks for your kind words. Yesterday i guess i was more angry with myself because by now i am supposed to know and expect this. But her 'slap' comment did throw me off a bit. But hey the old me would tried begging her to tell me why she felt that way. Now...I don't really get affected that much. She chooses to be in her hell. All i can do is offer her a rope. I am not going in there myself