I can take that punch!

[Redo]

Journaling...

Couple of days ago i was doing very good based on the interaction with wife. Well i guess what goes up...must come down.

Called up yesterday usual time to talk to daughter. I knew that wife started a new temp with some pawn shop company(yea definitely not something she wanted to work for). So i was trying to be courteous and asked her how her first day was. That was an open invitation for a long talk on how her first day went. I guess she was shocked a bit as her training involved actually visiting an actual pawn shop, even though she works in the corporate office. Then she threw this whopper...

W : "For the first time after all that, i felt like coming to you and slapping you"

M : almost falling off the seat... "Huh??? what do you mean???"

W : "Looking at my situation like this. You just could not keep yourself up and you had to go crazy emotionally those 2 years."

M : "Wife, you took the decision of moving out. Not me..."

wife cuts me off : "Just forget it. You will not understand. I don't know why i even bother..."

I felt like a fool, inviting her to tell me about her first day. Sometimes i do things because i feel that if i am nice with her then we would be able to talk pleasantly. Bad idea. I mean honestly i am not sure what i am to her after she filed for D.

Just 2 days ago she talked about how she should have understood me more blah blah...I guess she quickly forgot everything.

I never judged my wife (actually point out her issues) in all the years of our marriage. Because we were too busy pointing out mine and working on mine. So i got to a point where i felt i had no right or capacity to actually point out her issues.

But now i feel that she has many. And the biggest one is 'taking responsibility'. I don't think she will ever take responsibility for anything she does. She is always looking for scapegoats. Life, people, situations etc. She is always the victim. That's a very bad attitude.

We did continue talking after that. I had tell her the bad news that she went over our cellphone again this month. I still pay for our plan. I think i'll wait till end of september and if nothing changes then i'll get the phones separated out.

I actually thought of telling her that i was planning on buying a motorcycle. But now i feel that she does not need to know.

I should have known....rollercoaster watchout!!!