For the first time since we met 12 years ago, I have had no contact with my W for 5 days. Today, I miss her.

I knew this would be a roller coaster, so I'm taking my mood for what it is and walking through it. But it does hurt to think about what has happened, about the emotional and physical distance between us and the very real possibility that this will end in divorce.

It is not paralyzing me. I know I will be OK regardless of the outcome. But the situations that are results of "The Situation" - the empty house, the loss of contact, the feeling of rejection, the pain that has been inflicted on our families and friends, the !!#*?! shopping for stuff just to make my life more bearable - all seem so pointless.

And yet, I can't say that if she were willing to return and work with me on our marriage, I would agree to that. There is no trust. There is no love; not in her heart. There is very little respect, if any. Not much to work with...

I will be relieved when this melancholy feeling passes.

H 56
W 48
D27,S21
SS25
SS22 Severely autistic
M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs.
"I've never loved you" 3/7/2011
Separated 8/7/2011
BITS