You are probably correct that the flight to divorce as THE option probably was not spur of the moment. But it maybe a rough road because it often means that she has already mentally visualized an alternate life without you and preferable to the one she now has or lives. And that thought, that process, can be a cancer that grows.
The fact that the OM is out of the picture makes things a lot easier because whatever the lure is/was is not available and ever present. At one level this makes things less complicated.
The fact that your wife was "rejected" once things were revealed might, and I stress might, create a level of doubt for her that flows along the lines of "what if I wasn't rejected? Would I still be here?" There will be moments of doubt for both of you because the trust that was lost makes it difficult to set things right. There was a reason why she pursued this course though she may not be aware of it.
To counter-balance that, the sense that she is back working on the marriage by choice is important. But it takes more that making a show at it. There will be both breakdowns and breakthroughs. Celebrate the breakthroughs and don't dwell on the breakdowns.
Getting out of that dark place pretty quickly is important. You have to willing to offer your forgiveness if and when she finally wants and needs it. Gentle, honest, loving support in the face of anger can be a tall order, but in the end you both might rediscover why it seemed like a good idea to marry.
The Captain
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
