I am sorry to hear that everything is so crazy and senseless right now.

I agree that some of what he said sounds VERY encouraging. Particularly the fact that he does not want you to tell the kids he is moving out "so he can think." He seems to be realizing that, while there is no iron clad guarantee that being with you is the "right" decision, there is no such guarantee that leaving you is best, either. It sounds like he is unsure as to what is the best move, and is anxious that his decision will be the "wrong" one and will make him unhappy. Also very telling was his lamenting the wall between the two of you, and the expression of a desire to bring it down. If it were me saying those words, I know it would be because my heart was telling me to stay with you, but my head anxious to find an absolute certainty of the right answer.

I read what you say about him, and because I relate so strongly, I just want to grab him and slap some sense into him before he loses the chance to have someone who obviously values him so much that she is still trying to give it a chance after all this. He seems (as I have been in recent past) SO oblivious! But, of course, he is not me, and even if my intuitions about his motives are accurate, I should know from my own experience that you can't make someone else pull their cephalus out of their rectum (medical terms get past the auto censor!). He has to do that himself.

Offering to meet him in his LL (offering a hug) when he was being open and honest to you was, IMO, the best thing you could have done. He needs to know that love is there when HE is willing to be there. The best you can do is to be the person who loves him, but not the person who will take ANYTHING from him. You have to love yourself enough to tell him "no" when he is crossing lines - disregarding your feelings, speaking disrespectfully to you, etc. But, if he is ready to embrace you as a separate person from him, and accept that you will always have differences, you can also show him that you love him, with all the differences he has.

Waking up to the fact that arguments and conflicts do not mean you have the wrong person, and that the very BEST marriage will never be a PERFECT marriage - that is up to him.

(I'd slap it into him for you, if I could wink )

Think about it...if you met a potential mate who was nothing but a bundle of needs, would YOU be attracted to them?