E - I just read through your entire situation - I have been chipping away at it today. It is quite a crazy train. I am seeing some parallels to lc4's situation. I am seeing some parallels to mine as well.
My W has brought up the D word several times over about the last 9 years. The last two times have been with a serious note. It does erode trust in feelings and it does leave you walking on eggshells. I heard the "I don't feel emotionally connected" and the "We're just not compatible" and "Maybe I married the wrong person" statements.
I would say I see some positives in your situation. At least your H is willing to pick up and read some of those books. I think that's a big, big positive right now. That tells me that he legitimately sees some hope for the M. My perception is your H is very confused. He's also willing to talk, and when he does initiate the convo, it doesn't sound like it's always negative.
I would agree with lc4's comment above that it may be wise to set a time to talk rather than having you just drop everything depending on what mood your H is in. Maybe you would get a little more consistency?
What do you feel needs to change in your M? What does your H feel should change in the M?
I am seeing some parallels to lc4's situation. I am seeing some parallels to mine as well. 
