First time losing it, but found my balls, and wasn't going to be treated like this and disrespected
Basically
Found out on Friday that D14 was at her friends and that S12 was at our MF, no communication with me or asked if I would have them.
Received text from W sat just saying that the kids were with friends as she was at work (over the weekend!!)
Turns out they were there Fri, and Sat nights and all day Sunday
Waited for 5pm when they were due back, no show, D14 calls and asks for me to pick her up as W wouldn't be back till very late. Called S12 who said he didn't know what was happening and when he was coming home.
No communication to me when they were coming back
So
I called W and let her have it, that she was just palming them off, didn't ask me if I would have them, and didn't even have the decency to tell me when they were coming back and what was happening. W said the kids knew and should have told me, I said that they were in her care and not the responsibility of the kids to tell me, they didn't even know.
W said that she text me to tell me, I stated that it was only to tell me where they were etc, nothing else
W said I don't return her emails and text anyway, to which I said "what do you expect, I don't want to speak to you or see you" and left it there. W know why this is!
What must the kids be thinking, we only have them 7 days each, and now W is palming them off each week for half this time..
Followed up the conversation with the following text
To confirm, kids are swapped over every Sunday at 6pm
I feel disrespected that you could not communicate what was happening today, and again point the blame to the kids, they didn't even know what was happening.
You may choose not to spend your time with them for your own reasons and palm them out, that's your choice, but I will have them at any extra opportunity I can
3hrs later I get this response
Are you around to meet at Starbucks at 6pm tomorrow? As I have a few things I need to discuss with U
Now, I don't want to meet up with her, as she is only going to tell me that there is OM. I will think about sending her a text back in the morning stating this.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
clearly this issue needs to be discussed and finalized. i'd suggest to write down an schedule agreement, put it on paper so there are no gray areas. pick up times, what to do if one or the other needs to swap, swap agreement - one day for one day, or entire weekend, etc.
all on paper, signed by both if you feel this is necessary. verbal agreements allow confusion and can be denied.
have this all pre-arranged, and completely understood by all parties. and if need be, explain to children and get their input, they may be old enough and would most likely appreciate having say in their schedule.
this would also be the opportunity to schedule holidays, birthdays, days schools are closed, sick days, etc.
my agreement is set up with everything laid out, and for holidays we swap each year. odd years i have certain holidays, even years she does. christmas eve one year, christmas day the next. i have my daughter on my birthday and fathers day, she has her birthday and mothers day. i can plan out my schedule for the entire year.
anything that is done like this helps alleviates the aggravation you are going through now.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Lots been going on today, text then lengthy emails, will update later as going to meet w for a coffee.... her request to talk about the kids.
W was disappointed I was bringing the kids for some reason, but will not now.
No R talk, just about kids and pleasantries. W has also accused me of having a new partner!!!! when she emailed me, but I skipped that bit, and just replied about the kids.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
Loads to update, but to give you all a flavor, this is the text from w this morning, and my reply at the bottom
When I spoke to the kids last nite it was like talking to u, r u pleased u having finally succeeded in breaking me, I am a mum first and always will b, congratulations on going so low to involve the kids, want to play games well bring it on because I am so angry, I despise the ground u walk on!!!! I don't think I have ever been this angry, await ur solicitors letter!!!!!!
I was honest when I spoke to you last night when I talked about the kids not coming and why, I tried to put it best I could, this has nothing to do with me......
I am sorry you feel that way. I have been more than honest and amicable throughout all this. I have not tried to break you or any of the sort, if that was the case why did I try and help u when u first left.
U have now shown true bitterness and resentment, something which I have NOT done.
I also told you in the email yesterday (have another read) that I had been defending you to the kids.
How the hell do you think I feel.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
This is what I was going to post yesterday, before getting W's lengthy email
Thanks for the suggestions
I had to collect the kids last night from 2 different locations. When I picked up S12 from MF, I thanked them and explained the situation. They were under the impression that I knew what was happening and that W had asked me first to have them. They apologised but they didn't need to and said they would always confirm with me first.
Firstly I spoke to both kids last night and they would prefer to stay with me most of the time, and go to see W every other Fri, Sat, Sun night, instead of week on week off.
Both have said they feel sorry for W and what to see her, they do nothing with W and now W is choosing not to spend all her time with them. D14 also said that things are calmer with me and feels more secure and at home.
I stated that W is their mum and they need to see her, and could also pop round in the evenings if they wanted to see either of us, but I am concerned about their welfare and wellbeing more than anything else.
I asked them both to think about this over night before I put it to W as they are old enough to state what they want, I just need to find a constructive way to put this to W.
If this is not possible then I will write up an agreement outlining the points which you BITS have raised with a few more.
Had a text conversation this morning with W as follows (the last was likely too much, but I wanted to express myself, and haven't do so for quite some time, so I expect some 2x4's but I wanted to say it)
Me As I said yesterday I do not want to see you or speak to you. If you just want to meet up to tell me you are seeing someone, then there is no point, I already know..... with regard to the kids, I have been thinking more and will be in touch soon.
W What happened to being adult and civil, just want to discuss the kids
Me I have been more than adult and civil throughout all of this. I am concerned about the kids, thus as stated, I will be in further contact regarding this. I said to you back in June that if either one of us starts seeing someone, then that would be the final nail. As I have said throughout, its all about choice and our chosen actions. Choices have been made which we must stand by, accept, and deal with any consequences. I am a man of integrity, and stand by my choices, what I have said, and how I have conducted myself fitting in with my morals and beliefs. I sincerely hope you find what you are looking for, even if you know or not what that is.
I just don't want to see her atm, this I feel I need to do, firstly for me, to protect myself emotionally, secondly, as a consequence of her actions.
If I am honest, I am just not ready to see her atm after finding out things.. If I did so I would still be calm, professional and adult, but I feel this would be contradictory to how I feel.
I knew the next stomach turner was coming, but no matter how much you try and detach, it still hurt.
Difficult times..................feel like shite today,
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
I'm not going to post the info of the emails yesterday as far to much, but boiled around my responses of the kids, and what happened over the weekend. I skipped replying to parts which were non kids related, such as saying I had "date nights" and was seeing someone.
Over coffee I told W that I didn't bring the kids as they wanted to tell her that they wanted to stay with me more, only going to see W every other Fri, Sat & Sun (plus Thur for D14)
I stated to W that I asked them not to come to say this too her, as they should think about if for a few more days
Obviously W didn't like this, and I completely understand. I said this is difficult for me also as I don't want to think its coming from me, which it is not.
I stated that I want what is best for the kids at the end of the day. I want them to see their mum and would never stop this, I also said I was happy with the current arrangements of week on week off.
W then says, well why are you so great that they want to spend more time with you, what are you doing differently than when we were together, all I said was nothing......and that she really needs to speak to the kids.
Lots of other stuff, some laughing and joking, she said that if I was seeing someone that I would be guilty of adultery first WTH...
No R talk, I avoided that when it came up
Then the bomb at the end
Later that evening W called the home phone to speak to the kids. She told both of them she was seeing someone!!!!!!!!
Then she started to ask D14 why she didn't want to come round as much and spend more time with me, and D14 was honest with her and told her (I wasn't in the same room) but I did hear D14 say to W, don't try and guilt me, its my choice and decision and what I want.
Later W started texting D14 about this, and basically D14 replied with something like, "this is where I feel most comfortable, you split our family up, you never tried to work it out or give dad a chance". D14 told me this afterwards.
Yes, I have talked to the kids, but this is their choice, TBH I am OK with the week on week off, but at the end of the day my kids welfare and well-being come first. If this is what they truly want then I will pursue it. I said this to both on them, and to be honest and sure this is what they want.
I NEVER WANTED ANY OF THIS, WE COULD HAVE BEEN A GREAT FAMILY SEEING THE KIDS ALL THE TIME
W has asked to take them both out for something to eat on Thur eve to talk, which I have said is fine.
Feel like shite, really sad and down now. Not thinking about W with someone else, TBH don't care anymore, but am really down over this new situation and where its going, and the effect on my kids.
Off to see L this afternoon (�200!!!!)
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
