Oh... Not a good day at all. He was out with her last nigh. I kept looking at the pictures of him on Facebook and it's so good to see how happy he looks, hurts so much that he's with someone else. I could bearly sleep, cried all day and he saw because he came home early. I could not keep my cool and asked him if he wants to get a divorce to which he said yes, I asked him if he was happier this way and he said he was. I just cried and cried, this is not the marriage I hoped for. I asked him to give me a hug which he did and came to my room. He came after me and tried to make me feel better. I told him I was sorry I wasnt able to make him happy and he said it was not my fault. He then left. I'm still crying, just can't stop.
Me: 28 H: 40 Together: 10yrs Married: 6 yrs OW, ILYBNIL: june15/ 2011 I moved out/ ow moved in: nov 2nd/2011 H and ow no longer live together: may 1/2012
anyhope...seriously? he is really taking advantage of you and you are allowing him to by asking him. Go silent! make him leave and YOU file for divorce. Do you want to be married to someone like this?
sweety you are 28!! you are young. Get yourself together girl. There are so many people here to help you along the way.
Be strong.
Luv
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
He's CHEATING on you, and you asked him for a HUG???
Blccccch.
Agree with luvless -- you need to suck it up and come up with a plan here. "Neediness" isn't attractive, and I know it's sad, but your husband, while he's cheating, CAN'T be the source of your comfort right now. That's going to have to come from within yourself, and from your friends and family, and from us on here for awhile.
What is your financial situation? Have you consulted with a family law attorney at all yet? (doesn't mean you have to DO anything yet, but you should know what your rights and responsibilities are, and it will help ease your mind).
The plan I have changes daily.. I don't have a steady income to just get up and go. I've been with him since I was 18 and never was on my own yet, so it's a bit scary to take that step even though my friends and family would like to see me move on. He is going through a serious mlc and I read a lot of posts from other people going through the same thing and not moving, just waiting. But honestly I don't think I can do it. He has no issues living with me like a room ate, but it's different for me. He comes home from work, showers and goes to ow. Last night he got home at 3am. He wants to introduce her to our friends. I spoke to one of our friends who just had a baby and he called there yesterday asking her if he can come by to see the baby with ow. (ow is a professional hooker he fell in love with while he decided to cheat on me) while this friend of ours doesn't know this, she told him very clearly not to bring that skank to her house nor anywhere near her baby. I'm unable to sleep until he gets home. I still have feelings for him. Im hurting while with him... It also just happened that the landlord at our house decided to either raise our rent quite a bit or give us 2 months notice to vacate. So far we got a sweet deal on the house, now if we stay they want us to sign a one year lease again. I'm not sure I want to sign a year lease with him.. While financially cheaper, I will most likely go crazy. Not to mention that what if the relationship with the hooker gets serious and she wants to move here... Or if he wants to move out... Or anything of that nature. I asked him what his intentions are, and he said he's not planning on moving in with her, but he said so many things.. Only half of it is true. What if next week he thinks something different? I'm really confused.. Really really confused as to what I should do..
Me: 28 H: 40 Together: 10yrs Married: 6 yrs OW, ILYBNIL: june15/ 2011 I moved out/ ow moved in: nov 2nd/2011 H and ow no longer live together: may 1/2012
He came today as I asked him to, as I needed the car for work. I told him I will not be signing a one year lease with him and we either stay month to month so we can just leave when we want to, or we just move out if owners don't agree. They will most likely not agree and he most likely won't sign a year on his own. I told him Im planning on leaving as soon as I find a steady job. I could tell he wasn't happy to hear that, but didn't say anything.
Me: 28 H: 40 Together: 10yrs Married: 6 yrs OW, ILYBNIL: june15/ 2011 I moved out/ ow moved in: nov 2nd/2011 H and ow no longer live together: may 1/2012
I asked him what his intentions are, and he said he's not planning on moving in with her, but he said so many things.. Only half of it is true. What if next week he thinks something different? I'm really confused.. Really really confused as to what I should do..
AH,
Why are you leaving the decisions to HIM, the one person right now who DOESN'T have your marriage's best interests at heart?
If you don't have a plan (and I agree, it can be VERY scary), then I suggest that's where you focus your efforts right now. Emotionally detaching yourself from your husband -- and his poor, destructive behavior -- while you focus on a financial, legal and emotional plan for yourself. There are women's groups and legal aid societies that you can talk to, who can help. This will EMPOWER you, and I think that's what you need right now.
Your husband is NOT the only one here affected to gets to make all of the decisions.
He came today as I asked him to, as I needed the car for work. I told him I will not be signing a one year lease with him and we either stay month to month so we can just leave when we want to, or we just move out if owners don't agree. They will most likely not agree and he most likely won't sign a year on his own. I told him Im planning on leaving as soon as I find a steady job. I could tell he wasn't happy to hear that, but didn't say anything.
AH,
It's GOOD that you're standing up for yourself, but please don't feel obligated to inform your wayward husband of any of your legal or financial plans. It's not your job to educate him, or to make this any easier on him.
You're right. He's a big boy who can figure out to cheat, so I guess he'll figure the rest as well. But when you still care for someone (which I do) it's hard to see them in this phase.
He spent a total of 3 hours home yesterday while I used the car and he was off to a party with friends and ow. Came home drunk at 1am, went to sleep. Five minutes later ow called to ask where he went. He asked her if she wanted him to come back for her to which she said yes as he was getting dressed and the next thing I know my dog has his collar on... So I ask him where is the dog going? And he said he was gonna take him... To which I said.. In your dreams. You're not taking my dog to her as well, she can have you, but back off my dog or else. Poor dog was so excited to go, but ended up not going.
I told him to get a new dog. He wanted a new girl, new life, might as well get a new dog to go with it and leave us alone.
Then today photos of them at Niagara Falls surfaced on Facebook. Over a 100 again. One one of the photos ow is wearing my sunglasses that I keep in the car. So I couldn't resist.. I wrote a comment asking why she's wearing my sunglasses, and followed it by a private message to he asking if there was anything else in my life besides my husband and sunglasses she would like, because we could just make her a package and call it a day.. To this she responded with a letter saying how sorry she was to cause me pain and come between my husband and I. That my husband is unhappy and all he wants is happiness and on and on on how our marriage can survive this if it's strong enough, and how I will be very happy if I open my heart to new possibilities??? Well that's great thank you for the kind words.. Perhaps we'd have a better chance of working this out with her gone.. Btw this also happens to be the day where the morning news is full of some girl that fell into Niagara Falls and as bad as it sounds I keep thinking god, I wish it was her..
Me: 28 H: 40 Together: 10yrs Married: 6 yrs OW, ILYBNIL: june15/ 2011 I moved out/ ow moved in: nov 2nd/2011 H and ow no longer live together: may 1/2012
Yesterday was interesting.. I did reply to ow and she said that my husband still has feelings for me, but is going through mlc and has confused feelings about her, sees her as a sign of freedom and is chasing his youth. All true. She does not want a relationship with him nor my husband with her.
This sounds great, but I just remembered my husband lived with me for about a year before he considered me as his girlfriend.. Now I'm his wife. So while now both of them feel whatever they have is a fling, what if it turns more serious? And even if it doesn't when does it end? Would it be a wakeup call for h if I just got up and left?
Btw I do have a job interview lined up tomorrow.
Ow thinks I can still get my husband back if I'm patient and change myself to be someone he used to be in love with.
It's pretty interesting she told me all these. Reading her message I felt like it was a forum response from someone trying to help me out.. So the question remains.. Do I stay or do I go?
Me: 28 H: 40 Together: 10yrs Married: 6 yrs OW, ILYBNIL: june15/ 2011 I moved out/ ow moved in: nov 2nd/2011 H and ow no longer live together: may 1/2012
I can't answer that for you (no one can), but I would recommend that you stop getting emotional advice about your husband, from his girlfriend. She is NOT your ally, nor is she even an accurate or unbiased source of information from which to make such important decisions about what you want to do going forward.
