I can take that punch!

[Redo]

Journaling...

Went to visit daughter this weekend. Took her out to see the circus. She loved it. We had great fun. I never did this alone with my daughter. I was scared as to how i might react seeing all the families. But hey, i kept my head cool and i tried to enjoy the moment and it worked great.

Also lot of drama with wife while i was driving back home. Wife called and we talked for almost 3 hours. Wow!. We talked lot of stuff. All over the place. But some big things that i can recall.

1: Wife said that she was sorry for somethings that she had done. Like not understanding my emotional state and making it worse for me. Fighting with my parents. Allowing her family to interfere in our relationship.

2: Wife said she still does not know if she wants to come back or not. That she has seen that i am now at a better place but she is not.

3: She feels that her family and the community will never let her be if she takes the decision to divorce.

4: That if she does come back that she needs to accept who i am and not try to change me.

I too talked friendly with her. It was like old times. Last time i talked i told her that i am ready to move on with someone else if needed. She seemed upset by that. I told her i am not actively looking for anyone right now. But if things do end up in divorce that i am not gonna spend my time pining for her. Before i would try to avoid telling her these things to keep the calm. Now i did tell her some harsh realities even if they were biting.

She wanted to know as why i wanted her back. I told her it was because i still had feelings for her. That it was personality to not ditch a relationship that i spent years investing.

The discussion was nothing concrete, but it looks like she is begining to see how life would be if she took this route.

But somethings in her did not change. She still spends so much more time feeling sorry for how her life has turned our rather than looking for solutions. She is still stuck in the past about so many things. And every time i mention anything, she has an answer or an excuse.

Loooong way to go. Meanwhile i am not holding on to any hopes.
Right now my mind is totally on motorcycles