Wife no longer in love with me

[cam]

I can't work out how I can forgive myself. My DB coach has said I have to forgive myself and I don't know how. I can't stop looking back at my behavior and taking my W for granted and not demonstrating my appreciation for her.
I feel like I have stuffed up so badly and ruined something that was so great. I feel that the fact that she is being so unforgiving with me, is making it so hard my me to think otherwise and not take the blame.
It just feels worse and worse and I feel like I will never find someone who will compete with her and what we had.
Sorry for all the down messages lately......reality is starting to set in and I miss her more and more every day.....no contact really hurts.